Someday Syndrome

Why Hate TV?

I just finished watching the season premiere of Ugly Betty and experienced a whack of emotions from cheering “You go, Claire!” to wanting to curl up in a ball and sob. Ugly Betty is a damn good show. TV like that can't be hated.

Yes, it's over the top, totally unreal and... and... and... but I live reality every day. When I watch TV, I want to escape. Ugly Betty allows me to escape but is good television because it still reminds me that these characters are people and what they feel relates to what I feel.

And what I feel right now is super-sad from longing to be back home. With fewer than two weeks to go, I'm done being here. Just get me on the plane. Now.

A Writer's Business Plan

Yesterday (as well as being so productive), I ate lunch with a new Professional Organizer, Andrew Neary of organizingbyANDREW (he has tonnes of energy and will do very well for himself, I'm sure).

We met up because he wanted to pick my brain about the industry. He's just finished a 10 week government-funded program on starting one's own business. Andrew came out of this program with a very detailed business plan. I looked it over and was reminded yet again why I'm not running a service-based business anymore. There's just too much frickin' detail!

Writing, however, is a business and so I decided that I need a business plan. My business plan doesn't take pages and pages of writing. In fact, the whole plan can be reduced to a simple math-like equation:

Business plan = (Write + (Submit + Wait)Repeat until accepted)Repeat until death.

Simple, eh?

Ahhhh, Stability

Yesterday I wrote for the first time in months. I also spent a few hours researching short story markets and even submitted something to a couple of them.

Why did all this happen? Because I've been in one place for a week. I have also been riding my bike everywhere – between one to four hours a day, every day.

I've called myself a Change Junkie in the past but I've been ODing on change while I've been here. A little bit of routine and stability provides some much needed balance.

Vacation Laziness

Yes, Slightly Obnoxious Opinion Week only had six days because yesterday I couldn't be bothered to finish the post.

I've been eating and drinking too much and sleeping too little. In other words, I've been having a great vacation, but it's taking its toll. I'm exhausted, have constant wicked heartburn and am lethargic as anything.

I decided to try to write today but didn't get past four sentences before I stopped and had a nap.

Only 20 more days until I'm back in Spain and 22 until I start my Spanish course, thereby settling into a routine again. I have never so anticipated living in a routine before!

Of course I could have made better choices here in terms of eating, drinking and sleeping - but this way I get to feel like absolute crap before I pull myself out of this unhealthy slide.

It'll just make returning to Spain feel all the better.

Slightly-Obnoxious Opinion Week Day 6

I spent last night with my (now) former organizing colleagues. I enjoyed being a business owner and I enjoyed organizing, but I hate running the business on the day to day level.

Statement Six: Learn the difference between working towards happiness and just slogging forward, or you'll just end up unhappier than when you were merely comfortable.

Slightly-Obnoxious Opinion Week Day 5

Statement Five: Stop talking about it and start doing it. Yes, I mean you.

Slightly-Obnoxious Opinion Week Day 4

This one is in honour of the season premiere of America's Next Top Model.

Statement Four: Sometimes dreams don't work out. Deal with the loss and get a new dream.

Slightly-Obnoxious Opinion Week Day 3

Today's statement hearkens back to the book that pushed me into discovering what makes me happy: The Comfort Trap by Judith Sills

Statement Three: Most people would rather be safely comfortable than take a risk on being happy.

Slightly-Obnoxious Opinion Week Day 2

Good comments so far, but I want to see more! Maybe I'll have to get more obnoxious.

Statement Two: What most people call "personal memoribilia" in reality is for the most part just useless junk they haven't gotten rid of.

Slightly-Obnoxious Opinion Week Day 1

I'm usually a shades-of-grey type, but I'm feeling opinionated this week. So I'm going to throw out black/white statements. I'm looking forward to seeing what you throw back at me.

Statement One: Anyone who hasn't followed their dream is simply scared to do so and should just get off their butt and do it.

Looking into the Future

Last week, I visited my former business networking group, the Pride Business Network. At that meeting they were re-examining and restating their business goals. I might not be running my organizing business anymore, but writing is definitely a business. Any writer who thinks otherwise is unlikely to get published.

Here is what I came up with:

Part I: Goal Setting Questions
What do I really want? To get my writing published and for it to sell well.

How has my business changed? (better/not better) My new business (writing) makes me happy and I am passionate about it (so yeah, better).

How has my personal life changed? (better/not better) I'm in love, (soon to be) living in a country and city I love, (again, better.)

What's really important to me? What's the purpose of doing this? I will pursue happiness even when it's not easy because I won't live a life that's merely comfortable.

What am I prepared to give up making this happen? I'm doing what I love so there are no sacrifices.

What am I prepared to do to make this happen? Steady, constant work with lots and lots of patience.

Book Tease

Instead of sending out query letters to agents today, I'm going to treat you to the first bit of my book, called An Extraordinarily Ordinary Life. It's fictional blog. (The full excerpt available after the jump).

Enjoy!

Welcome to the Boring Blog
Posted: Monday September 29, 2003 at 6:45pm

Hello. My name is Gail McCain. I'm 34 years old. My life is boring. I'm boring.

What I'm about to tell you isn't boring, however. It is the first exciting thing to happen to me in years, maybe ever. And, if Amanda is to be believed, it won't be the last.

On my home way from work this evening, just after I had just parked my car, this cute little beige field bunny hopped towards me. I was just registering the weirdness of a rabbit in an oil-stained underground parking garage in uptown Toronto when it turned into a gorgeous six-foot tall blonde woman. I've always considered myself totally straight, but even I couldn't help getting lost in her cleavage. Think a real life blonde Jessica Rabbit. No pun intended.

"Hi Gail," she said.

Are We Related, or What?

Thank you to everyone who has sent me messages of support for my (non-existent) 24-hour breakup. Things with Raul are great. We did not experience a blip in the relationship.

My sister and I have similar writing styles, and so we confused all of you.

I will pass all your support along to her.

Plus, I've changed where the "posted by" tag goes so you'll all now find it much easier to see which one of us is writing, since obviously our writing itself isn't distinct enough to tell you that.

What's Wrong with Connecting?

I'm eating out a lot, which means (as anyone over thirty knows) immediate and noticeable weight gain. So, yesterday I went for a long walk in some of Toronto's ravine parks. Over the past year, I've gotten rather used to village life. If I passed someone while out walking, we said hello and sometimes even had a short conversation.

But in Toronto, no one says “hi” - no one even looks at one another.

I don't know why. Walking is fun! It releases endorphins and endorphins are nature's happy drug. So why not smile when someone looks your way?

The day was saved from complete disappointment, however by an older gentleman who responded to my smile with “What a nice day, eh?”

“Absolutely gorgeous,” I replied.

Love Not Lost

Okay, well, that break up was short lived. Turns out love is not lost, but redefined.  So, onto some new lessons.  You know, I went back to school in my 30s, retrained, got a great job, and thought I was done with learning.  Now the lessons are coming at me thick and fast.  You’d think I would deserve a break. Yes, yes, I know, you stop learning, you die. Or something like that.  Wouldn’t it be nice though just to coast through life?  At least for a day or two?

Here are my new lessons. When someone is under duress and freaks out, give them 24 hours to calm down before taking them at their word.  Chances are they will come to their senses. Like WM who realized he just might have thrown the baby out with the bath water, and is now back to his old amorous self.  Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them.

Lesson two, and this is a biggie for me. I need total validation from men that they like me.  I am totally pathetic on this one.  Here is how my day went.  At 1 p.m. I sent WM a text message and he immediately responded.  At 4 p.m. I had an anxiety attack because I hadn’t heard from him again. The man has the flu!!!!  At 7 p.m. I send him another text message.  At 8 p.m. I am convinced he is breaking up with me. I have a total anxiety attack. I finally check my phone and turns out while I am working my way into a state of blithering idiocy, he is texting to tell me he loves me.

I am a sane, intelligent woman.  I live on my own and am learning to fix my own plumbing.  I can run a 2.5 million dollar project at work.  But put a man in front of me whom I like and I fall to pieces.  Oh I so need to work on this one.  I am sure there is some deep rooted reason for my reactions, but I’m way too lazy to go there.  I think I’ll look up tricks on how to beat nicotine cravings and try those.  When you crave a cigarette, or a man’s validation in my case, go for a walk, take a long shower, call a friend.  Or blog it out and tell the world how ridiculous you are!

Anybody have similar states of silliness?  What do you do about them? 

Urban Panther

Love Lost

Better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. Isn’t that how the saying goes?  I suppose, but it doesn’t account for the pain and mixed bag of emotions that goes with a break up does it?  Still, there is something to be said for it.

Yes, sad but true, my Wonderful Man (WM) and I have parted ways. Or at the very least are slipping into a friendship, with no romance, expectations, or obligations.  Great guy, but needs time to work through a whole whack of stuff.  And that is going to consume a lot of his energy for a significant period of time.  I wish him all the best on the rocky journey he has ahead of him.

But back to better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.  I did learn things in this relationship.  Here they are.  1.  People are not honest with you because they are not honest with themselves.  WM was not honest with me about being ready to date because he wanted to believe he was ready.  This has taught me to learn about people through experience, not through their assessment of themselves. Next time, I’m not jumping in until I have done a thorough analysis of the man I’m dating.  2.  I actually do believe in marriage.  For the first time in 20 years, I actually envisioned myself being married.  I had convinced myself that I didn’t believe in marriage.  Turns out I do, very much so.  I just didn’t believe in being married to my ex, with good reason.  3.  I am quite traditional in what I want to do for a partner.  I want to cook meals for him. I want to wear heels and sexy tight jeans to look nice for him.  I want to bring him his beer and ask him about his day.  Who knew?  And finally, 4.  I am more than capable of loving someone fully and completely and being loved in return.  That I can hand my heart to someone on a silver platter and say here you go, hopefully you won’t break it, but I’m willing to take that chance.

So, I find myself single again.  I feel drained and tired, and I know I will miss the feeling of being loved.  But, I am not cynical.  Wiser for sure, but not cynical.  I can love and be loved back, and somewhere out there is someone who can love me freely and unabashedly.  I’ll just be doling my heart out on silver bread and butter plates, instead of that platter, until I am positive I have found him.

Urban Panther

Hedonism/Happiness, ho-boy!

I love to flirt. I love when guys flirt with me. I especially love to flirt with Raul. I can do that for days on end.

Raul-flirting, however, has its problems. We are 37 days away from seeing each other (yes, we're counting). Flirting with Raul makes me want to follow through on the flirtation. Follow-through is a bit difficult when we're on either sides of the Atlantic.

So, that makes me sad, and more than a little frustrated.

And that means I make extra sure that I don't flirt at all with anyone here. Normally my flirting is harmless and everyone knows it's not going to go anywhere. But right now I'm hair-triggered and even the tiniest flirt could get out of hand.

So, I avoid situations that might lead to flirting, which just adds to the frustration.

I always talk about pursuing happiness. Frustration is not happiness. Why then, am I choosing frustration when it could be so easy to make myself happy by just going out and getting a good flirt on?

Because I'm choosing happiness over hedonism.

Because the possibility of long term happiness with Raul more than makes up for a few more weeks of frustration.

Lost Dreams

Through BlogTO, I was directed to this article on the Canoe website: Canadians' dreams fall short.

The article states that only 20% of us have followed through on childhood or teenage dreams.

My only question is why?

Forced to Work

I had my evening all planned. A shower, some primping, and then dancing.

Didn't happen.

I'm now trapped in a friend's condo until tomorrow evening. If I leave, I can't get back into the building (it's a key thing).

As usual, I refused to be negative about the situation.

I decided instead to prep my agent search. I added some necessary words to the beginning of my book, crafted a (hopefully!) kick-ass query letter and sent it off to my sister-in-law and her work-in-publishing mother and sister for comments.

And then as a reward I indulged in my Facebook addiction...

Toronto Tourist

I didn't need a reminder that Toronto isn't my city any longer, but I got one last night anyway.

My parents dropped me off at the subway after a great week with them, my sister and one of her kids in Maine. Although I had a fantastic time, I was looking forward to getting back to the city.

But it's the Labour Day weekend. No one else is in town.

So I went out on my own, figuring I would see people I knew.

Wrong.

I recognized a few faces, but didn't know anyone. In just a year, Torontonians have become as unknown to me as the residents in any city I've visited.