Someday Syndrome

Comprehending the Pattern

This weekend, Raul and I created my Spanish resume (quite different from a Canadian one). Raul was really nice by sitting at the keyboard attempting to translate Canadian schooling and work experience into something Spanish employers might understand. I, on the other hand, was being kind of difficult.

I kept questioning what he was doing and why. I just didn't grasp what was required. We spent half an hour on just my education, discussing the translation with a bit of heat in our voices. Finally I asked to take over. I needed to look at the example of the Spanish resume, figure out the pattern, and set up a template.

Raul's at least as much of a control freak as I am, so it was a tense moment. He understood why I needed to take control, but it was hard for him to give it up. Fortunately, once I comprehend a pattern I no longer need to control a situation. Pattern understood, I handed the keyboard back to him.

We finished the resume in about ten minutes.

Someday Lessons:

• Arguments arise usually from a lack of comprehension on the part of at least one of the parties.
• Defuse an argument by stepping outside the topic, looking at what is making you uncomfortable, and asking for what you need to make you comfortable again.

Death to the Perfectionist

Last night I had a total meltdown. Because I don't understand everything right away, I was feeling stupid. And people with perfectionist leanings hate feeling stupid more than anything.

I don't doubt that my decision to move to Spain was the right one, but last night I asked Raul “What the f**k have I done?”

He told me that I'm too North American, that I need to think more like a Spaniard. Who cares about perfection? Who cares about being the best student in class? Who cares about knowing it all right now? Or making the most money? Or... or... or...

Of course, he's right. I moved to France (and now Spain) to change the life I had in Canada where I was working fifty to sixty hour weeks to barely get by. Where I was jealous of any organizer who received more media attention than I did. Where I felt that unless I was the best (i.e., the winner) then I was the worst (i.e., the loser).

In class yesterday we talked about working to live or living to work. I laughed at the thought of most Spanish people living to work and the professor agreed. Very few Spanish people think that way. It's such a Protestant Work Ethic (i.e., North American) mindset.

So, I'm going to stop pushing myself and I'm going to become more Spanish, caring less about being the best and caring more about actually enjoying my life.

Someday Lessons:

• Changing old ways of thinking can be hard, even when you want to.
• A really good cry can break through walls that determination and effort never will.

A Lack of Posts

Hola everyone! Yes, I am still alive. I just haven´t been posting very often.

You see, life has settled into a routine and I have nothing exciting to write about.

That is such a total excuse! I´ve just been lazy about my writing. When I was in France last year, I would pick a topic each day from a list and then write about it. I didn´t give myself a choice. I HAD to write.

Now I write when I feel inspired.

That doesn´t work.

So, here is a promise to you. Once I have an apartment and Internet access from more than an hour a day, I will increase my postings to at least once every two days. Until then, I´m going to stick with being lazy and posting when I feel like it.

It´s my blog and I can ignore it if I want to...

Someday Lessons:

• Even if you enjoy doing something it´s very easy to NOT do it.
• A routine can be interesting. It´s just a matter of consciously looking for the points of interest.

Cranky Pants Strikes Again

Yesterday, I discovered a new place to walk that reminds me of my Sauveterre walks, and Raul and I were invited were invited to a friend's for dinner. I made hazelnut-flour crepes and butterscotch sauce. I even understood most of the conversation at dinner!

All in all a great day.

So then why did I start today in a foul mood?

I blame Spanish eating time. We arrived for dinner at 9:30pm, ate from 11pm to shortly after midnight and were in bed by just before 1am.

My dreams were serious messed up, I tossed and turned all night and then once Raul got out of bed I couldn't sleep any more, so got out of bed as soon as he left.

Fortunately, as the day progressed my mood improved. It was helped by doing well on a test, making a yummy potato and cheese tortilla (a big omelette), editing a big chunk more of my book, and spending doing-nothing time with Raul.

Someday Lessons:

• Rich food eaten late and an early morning wake up are a bad combination.
• Take responsibility for a bad mood; don't inflict it on others.

Back to Walking

Walking is most awesome exercise ever! I put on my MP3 player, pick a direction, and go. As I´ve said before, walking makes me happy. Plus my subconscious works on writing challenges while I walk.

San Sebastián is small enough that I can cover a good chunk of it in an hour and a half walk. It´s also a hilly city, so I get a good workout.

Monday I went to the port to the east of the city, Pasajes. Yesterday I went west through the city, across the beach and up around the back of the city to Raúl´s place.

San Sebastián is a city of walkers. If you go downtown in the afternoon, it´s filled with people walking about. Most of these people are strolling, however. Raúl thinks my fast cardio walking is totally weird. Life in Spain is too relaxed for power walking.

There are a lot of joggers though. They understand jogging. Jogging is laid-back running.

But I prefer walking. Jogging hurts, which means I´m probably doing it wrong. The way my shoulders bounce as I jog causes no end of back pain. Perhaps one of my jogging siblings can tell me what I´m doing wrong.

Or maybe I´ll just stick to walking.

Someday Lessons:

• If something makes you happy, find a way to keep it in your life.
• Be open to new activities, but don´t give up cherished ones because no one else does them.

All Spanish All the Time

Today Raúl changes languages. No more English. I've asked him to switch to Spanish only.

Things are going to get annoying for both of us, but I expect especially for him. When I don't understand, he'll have to speak more slowly and think about another way to say something. If it were me, I'd just want to say it in English and get my meaning across.

This past weekend when we were talking about what to do, he pointed out that we'll have a lot more options when I can understand more Spanish. Right now we're limited to doing things that don't require a lot of comprehension on my part. Even going out with friends can be a bit boring for me as they talk slowly for about one and a half sentences then zoom! Off they go.

There is no end to my appreciation of Raúl. He is so generous to curtail his own social life a bit so that I'm not left bored or feeling abandoned. I have made it clear that if he needs outings where he's not worrying about me, then he should take them, definitely! I know I would.

Tomorrow will be the real test of this change to English. We're not getting together today. I just hope it's not too frustrating for either of us!

Someday Lessons:

• Difficult and/or annoying changes often need to be implemented if you want to achieve your goals.
• The easy way is not always the best way.

Intuition Triumphs Again

My writing career took a step forward yesterday. After reading the first fifty pages of my novel, a literary agent asked for a major rewrite.

My intuition said: “I told you so!”

The agent said that the novel isn't ChickLit. It's Young Adult. The details, however, aren't YA. Everyone is far too old and has far too much sex.

I knew this. I knew that the novel would work better as YA. My next novel will be YA. I prefer this genre (even when reading).

So, if I knew this already, why hadn't I made the change before sending it off to agents?

Because I was procrastinating. A rewrite of this size is a huge amount of work. I had hoped that someone would like it as is. But I forgot that readers aren't stupid. If I had noticed the problem, then of course others would.

On the plus side, the rewrite will make the novel stronger as I need to make conscious decisions about every single detail in the book.

Someday Lessons:

• Your gut is (almost) always right.
• People who care about you will usually just echo what you already know needs doing.