Someday Syndrome

The Organizer Lives

As I said before, our apartment is small – very small (in Basque the word is txiki, pronounced cheeky). IKEA is perfect for txiki homes. So off Raul went to IKEA. He came back with a tiny sofa-bed, two wall-like floor lamps to divide the living space from the kitchen, three chairs, and a whole bunch of accessories.

Then last Thursday we went back together, spending two hours looking at TV/Computer storage options. After much discussion, we decided on two armoire extensions, four floating shelves and yet more accessories. By putting the armoire extensions on wheels and buying Raul a wireless keyboard and mouse, we've created a multimedia console in the living room that can be controlled from the sofa.

In January once everything is just right, I'll do a photo-post showing off how happy we are in our txikihome.

Someday Lessons:

• Small spaces require creative planning. Take time to think it through.
• Don't go for the first solution that comes to mind. The less obvious is often more fitting.

What the Spice Girls Taught Me

At the Spice Girls concert in Madrid last Sunday, Raúl and I went our separate ways.

Raúl went to the floor. I went to the stands. No way was I going to spend the entire concert fighting with a bunch of screaming fans just for the space to breathe and Raúl wasn´t going to waste his concert ticket a million miles away from the stage.

With kisses and good wishes we separated. Using cell phones and much waving, we found each other and spent the time waiting for the concert to start blowing kisses and sending each other text messages.

We each experienced the concert we wanted and when we got back together at the end of the concert we had a different viewpoint to share. It was like being at two concerts instead of just one.

Someday Lessons:

• Happiness means different things to everyone; don´t expect others to follow your happiness path.
• Confidence is letting your love do his (or her) own thing while you do yours (and then sharing it later).

P.S. Raúl did give up his chosen locale to watch the encores with me in stands (he even arrived with a bottle of water for me).

Another Friday, Another Trip

This time we're going to Madrid for three days where we'll see about a dozen of Raul's friends from all over Spain, and we'll see the Spice Girls concert.

Don't know if I'll post on Monday or Tuesday, but I'll definitely be back by Wednesday.

Happy Holidays Everyone!
(even if you don't celebrate anything)

I Don't Deserve Anything

Last year I said that nothing happens for a reason. I don't believe that the Universe guides me or throws obstacles and rewards my way. I don't believe that any religious figure is helping me.

Life simply happens.

This belief is difficult to maintain when very bad or very good things happen. Take this week for example. Within five days of finishing my Spanish course, Raul and I have found an apartment, and I've found a job (yes, yesterday's work has been confirmed as a job – part time for now, building in the new year to full time).

If I believed that things happen for a reason, then I'd say that I deserve this, that my coming to Spain for love was the right decision because everything else is falling into place.

But I don't deserve any of it. There is no value judgment in what has happened. It simply is.

Of course, if I hadn't been open to the possibility of love, I wouldn't be in Spain. If I weren't the sort of person who was outgoing and talked to everyone, I wouldn't have found out about the apartment. And if I hadn't worked hard at securing the interview and impressing the boss, I wouldn't have found work.

The Universe didn't do anything. I did it, with the help of a lot of people around me.

Someday Lessons:

• No one deserves anything, good or bad.
• If you aren't open to new opportunities, then you'll never get what you want.

And It All Comes Together

I have work!

It's not yet a job, but tomorrow I'm working for two hours.

Today I had an interview at a language school. The director asked me to come back in January to conduct a class so that he can examine my teaching skills. If he likes what he sees he will likely offer me a contract.

Of course I'm going to knock his socks off.

He also told me that if I was willing to take whatever was offered at first, he'd make sure he would offer me more later.

Of course I said yes.

On my way home from the interview I got a call from one of the school's campuses asking me if I was available to substitute for two hours tomorrow (at 7:30 and a 4:00).

Of course I'm going to do it.

My worrying and whining in November were for naught. A day after classes ended, we found an apartment. Within a week I was offered work with a good chance of a job soon.

And I'm so happy that my fears were proved wrong.

Someday Lessons:

• A little bit of fear motivates; too much paralyzes.
• When things are going well be properly grateful.

Busy Day, Boring Post

Again, I'm stuck with nothing to say on Lazy Tuesday. Perhaps the name was a bad choice.

Today is not a lazy day. The apartment is screaming for a paint-job (currently it's pink and yellow). Later, we are taking Raul's mother Xmas dinner shopping, and before the apartment can be painted, it needs to be scrubbed down.

And I've nothing more to tell you.

Someday Lessons:

• Words are magic; they shape reality. Use them carefully.
• Often, the only way to describe an action is to do it.

P.S. Pics of the apartment can be found at http://www.fotolog.com/jonszi/23947274

Life is Coincidental

Friday was my last day of class and a day for sharing food during the break. I took the time Thursday night to bake a dessert. After class, I went into the instructor's lounge to pick up the serving dish. The instructors wished me luck with the job hunt and the apartment hunt.

One of the instructors then said that she was moving out of her flat. Did I want to see it? It's small, she told me, but very cheap. So Saturday Raul and I went to look at it. It is small, about 300sq ft. The living room/kitchen is 8'x 15' and the bedroom is  9'x9'. In other words, it's about 1/3 the size of my house in Toronto (which most people considered small and quaint).

We took it.

It's on the 6th floor without an elevator, and has no heat (but it won't take much to heat the rooms with space heaters given how small the space is). But it's very cheap, is a 15 minute walk downtown and is on the top floor with a humongous terrace. Most places like this (or smaller) within city limits are at least double the price, so we're very pleased.

The organizer in me is excited by the challenge to make the place livable and feel spacious. Between Christmas and New Year's Eve we're going to go to Bilbao to do some IKEA shopping.

If I hadn't baked, I wouldn't have talked to the instructor, and we wouldn't have acquired a place to live.

Someday Lessons:

• All your actions have consequences; be open to using the consequences to your benefit.
• Pay attention to life carefully, or you might miss something really important.

The Last Day

Today was my last day of Spanish class. My introduction to Spain is over. As of Monday the job hunt officially begins.

Yesterday I was panicky; today I'm excited. Tomorrow I might be terrified, Sunday super happy and Monday in tears.

I've decided to just let the emotions do their thing. I'm not going to analyze them. I'm not going to stop them. I'm going to enjoy them. I've never immigrated to another country before. France was an extended holiday; Spain is an immigration. It's unlikely that I'm ever going to emigrate again to a different country, so I'm going to fully enjoy the emotions I´m feeling during this experience.

And there are a whole whack of emotions waiting to be enjoyed: fear, eagerness, alienation, frustration, joy, excitement, anger, love. Up until now I've been fighting my emotions, trying to focus on only the positive ones. But we all know what repression does. It just makes the repressed emotion strike back with more force. So when I'm afraid, I'll let myself be afraid. When I'm happy, I'll be really happy without worries. And when the world seems like a dark lonely place, I'll cuddle up next to Raul and ask for help.

Someday Lessons:

• Emotions exist for a reason. Feel them, don't bury them.
• Life is meant to be enjoyed, even the negative side of it. Whatever happens in your life, good or bad, savour it.

Discovering Patience

A friend asked me what I want. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next year. Today. What do I want at this moment?

I considered telling her that I want an apartment but that's not true. I don't want it right now. I have a place. I want the apartment in January. I then thought of telling her that I want to get published, but that's also a lie. I want to work on getting published, which I am doing right now. So I'm fulfilling that desire.

I want to be loved and to love, which I get with Raul, friends, and family. I want a job, and I will get one, but not today. I want to learn Spanish, to enjoy food, to explore Spain, to strive towards happiness, all of which I'm currently doing.

In other words all my current desires have been fulfilled. I want other things, but they are future wants.

Patience is recognizing the difference between current and future desires and setting aside the future desires until you are able to fulfill them.

Impatience is living in the future, desiring things now that will come later.

No wonder I've never had much patience. I've always lived in the future.

Someday Lessons:

• Separate current and future desires and you'll find you have succeeded in a lot more ways than you think you have.
• Many complicated issues in our lives have simple answers, if we find the right way to ask the question.

Climbing Back on the Wagon

I've fallen into my old habit of living in the future.

When Raul and I get an apartment, I'll eat better and exercise more. When I'm done classes, I'll  write more. When I get a job, I'll feel more stable.

I've also been living in fear, which is bad.

What if things with Raul don't work? What if I can't find a job? What if we can't find an apartment?

I don't, however, have any negative thoughts about my novel. I know my book will get published because it's a damn good read.

So why am I worried about everything else? I don't question Raul's love, but I worry he's going to leave. I don't question my ability to work, so why do I worry about finding a job? And Raul and I have several options for living until we get an apartment, so why does that stress me out?

Because I'm living in the future. I've created a dream of a perfect future. But life isn't perfect, so I live in fear of imperfection and make myself sick with preoccupation.

Time to change. Time to remember that life is to be lived now.

I was thinking of writing a set of resolutions, but that's still living in the future. Instead, I'll return to living in the now where everything is possible and actions happen today, not tomorrow.

Someday Lessons:

• What are you putting off doing for when life changes?
• Old habits sneak back into your life without you noticing.