Someday Syndrome

There is no Secret

I'm an existentialist. Nothing happens for a reason. We don't deserve anything that happens to us.

There is only choice: of action, of reaction and of attitude. There is no fast track to success. There is only vision, ambition and work.

Instant success does not exist, and when it seems to, if you look deeper, you'll either see many years of effort and clarity of purpose or a great deal of money supporting the success.

Someday Lessons:

• The only secret to success if consistent effort, long term ambition and clear vision.
• Your attitude towards life determines your likeliness of success.

Losing My Language

I speak English all day long. I read English. I write in English.

Raul speaks too quickly in Spanish and has troubles speaking slowly, so he speaks to me in English.

I insist, however, on speaking in Spanish to him, but I've noticed that I'm losing my comprehension skills, which were never that high to begin with. I can still speak it okay, but I don't hear enough Spanish to feel comfortable with it. I know that it takes a long time to understand a language, but I've made it harder for myself with all this English around me.

Raul's mother gave me some Spanish workbooks. I'm going to start reviewing them, especially listening to the CDs that accompany them. Hopefully that will stop some of the language erosion.

Someday Lessons:

• Skills are learned once – they need to be practiced.
• Life may try to interfere with goals – make sure that doesn't happen.

Freeing the Inner Diva

After all the recent travel, Raul and I decided to do nothing this weekend. Yesterday we didn't even get out of our pyjamas. It was a great day (then again, any day spent with Raul is a great one).

We cleaned a little, organized a little, cooked a lot and spent a several hours playing Singstar (karaoke for Play Station 2).

Now, I can't sing very well. I sing in the car and I sing with my sister songs that I've been singing since I was a little kid. But Singstar requires that you sing the RIGHT notes. Fortunately there are enough songs from the 80s and 90s that I know well, so I don't totally embarrass myself.

Ah, hell, who am I kidding – I completely and utterly embarrass myself. Raul almost always wins (yes it's competitive karaoke), but I don't care. It's great fun belting out tunes while standing in the living room in my pyjamas.

Because if I can't be foolish with Raul, when can I be?

Someday Lessons:

• Just because you're bad at something, it doesn't mean you can't do it anyway.
• This week make a commitment to do something foolish that would normally embarrass you.

Rules? What Rules?

I made up a cake recipe today.

I know, I'm not supposed to do that. Baking is a science, chemistry. Experimenting doesn't work.

And yes, the cake was too wet, so I guess it was a failure. But it tastes great. I think the sogginess comes from the spelt flour, which is wetter than wheat flour.

Actually, I should say that I made up a muffin recipe because the dry parts were more muffin-like in texture.

I'll try it again tomorrow. I'll get the balance right at some point.

Someday Lessons:

• Don't worry about doing something wrong. How else will you learn?
• Have confidence and have fun experimenting.

(recipe after the jump)

Alex the Ass

On Saturday night, we had people over for dinner and the combination of steak and wine did not sit well with me. I ended up napping before we went out to watch the wandering drummers for the San Sebastian festival.

I made the mistake of thinking it was warmer so wore only a light hoodie.

Once at our first destination, I found out the purpose of the night: to wander from bar to bar outside as we followed a group of men dressed in military garb or chef's outfits play the same five songs over and over.

I wasn't having any of it. I pronounced the whole thing ridiculous. I announced that Canadians don't have traditions like this then emotionally, intellectually and (later) physically removed myself from the event.

At 2am, cold, tired and with a very upset stomach, I went home.

In my self-absorbed pompous state, I completely forgot that to people from San Sebastian, this night is one of the most important of the year. It's the day they celebrate their city.

Normally I would have gotten right into it as the boyfriend of another friend did, but no. I decided to be a pretentious jerk and proceeded to offend everyone around me.

It took Raul two days to forgive me.

Someday Lessons:

• The fastest way to hurt someone is to stay inside your own opinion.
• A bad attitude makes for really bad experiences.

Interruption in Service

Sorry, no sparkling, interesting post today. An uncle of Raul passed away this weekend.

Someday Lesson:

• Life is not always happy.

Not Travel, Not Relaxing

Guess what? We´re not going anywhere this weekend.

That doesn´t mean, however, that we´re going to sit around the apartment doing nothing. This weekend is San Sebastian, meaning it´s the day of the city (January 20th) and so for 24 hours there will be drumming, drinking, dancing and general debauchery.

Should be fun!

Plus I also need to fit in some work, some writing, cleaning the house, having friends over for dinner, and prepping my classes for next week.

Someday Lessons:

• I´ll sleep when I´m dead.

Long Day

Today is my long day. I left the house at 7am and am back at 11pm. I did have two hours free this morning and another hour now, but overall it's a pretty crazy day.

In other words, my brain isn't functioning beyond: I am, you are, he/she/it is...

And I'm sure you don't want an English lesson.

Someday Lessons:

• I don't like this working-for-a-living thing.

Recognizing Privilege

Over the past two weeks, I think Spanish racism has served me well.

Many people told me horror stories about trying to get residency documents and working papers. Clerks were going to decide suddenly that I'd be missing something and have to try again. Or I'd wait for hours and then told to come back another day.

The reality couldn't have been more different.

Everyone was really helpful. I sailed through every appointment and I haven't had to wait for anything for longer than twenty minutes.

My being a white male with a British passport probably had a lot to do with this easy transition to Spanish residency. The English in Spain might be an annoyance to some, but to most others the English are infinitely preferable to the Romany, Moroccans, or Ecuadorians.

And unfortunately I'm far too much a realist to believe that everything was so easy solely because the Spanish government works more efficiently now.

Someday Lessons:

• Our level of privilege in society usually isn't a choice but it's important to be aware of it.
• Just because something is simple for you, don't assume everyone else will have an easy time.

The Stairs

So far I haven't been very good about doing the stairs thing. I usually go up and down the stairs four times a day, but not all at one time.

I have done one repeat a few times (404 steps in the 1010 goal), at the end of which I'm wiped. I could do a third, but my body whimpers and I give in.

Of course, now that I've written this, I'm immediately going to go do three trips.

Bye!

Someday Lessons:

• Mental and emotional inertia is one of the biggest blocks to action.
• I know I'm not the only one procrastinating about something. What aren't you doing?

Twenty-One Reasons to Feel Homesick

• Six piece sherry set from 1957
• Five watercolours painted by Dad
• Four stuffed animals from my childhood
• Three piggy banks from my former collection
• Two fancy (i.e., professional and sharp) kitchen knives
• One quilt hand-stitched by Mom made with childhood shirts.

Someday Lessons:

• Things that make you happy can also make you sad.
• Things ties us to places. Take the things from the place and we disconnect from it.

A Return to France

You guessed it, another Friday, another trip.

This time we're visiting friends/family in Sauveterre (my old village in France for those newer to the blog).

When we come back tomorrow, I'll have all the rest my stuff that I want from my old apartment to finish setting up our txikihome.

One more trip to France will be required when the weather's a little better to take the furniture I don't need to Emmaüs, a charity shop in Pau.

Integrating into the World

Today's post was going to be about work. I was going to talk about my job, the company and the things that Organizer-Alex would change. Then I remembered that people regularly get fired for blogging about their workplace. Having just got the job, I have no interest losing it. So, I canned the idea.

In the year and a bit that I've been blogging, I've never had to think about self-censorship. Of course I have self-censored (there are some things the word just does not need to know about) but an external need to self-censor has never manifested.

I can't, however, let it affect the style of the blog. Please let me know if it does.

Someday Lessons:

• External requirements will sometimes change how you do things. Don't let them change you too much.
• Never say anything electronically (email, web) that you wouldn't want on the evening news.

A Visit Inside Alex

The birth of Spanish-Alex approaches. This morning I picked up my social security number. Later today I sign my work contract and next week I have an appointment for my residency card. Every Alex inside me is eager to welcome this new addition to the pack.

Speaking of happiness, Writer-Alex is distressed because he can't describe how happy we all are right now.

One other Alex is complaining too: Enviro-Alex. My job (teaching English in businesses) requires that I drive a lot, about 1000km a week. Enviro-Alex rails against this but Negotiator-Alex has  soothed him by promising to donate a portion of our earnings to an environmental group. And when Financial-Alex says it's okay, we'll buy a more environmental-friendly car.

Someday Lessons:

• Sometimes compromises are necessary – just make sure it's not too much.
• Take stock of the various yous periodically. Is everyone happy?

My Non-Resolution Action

I have a plan. It's not a New Year's Resolution. My plan just happens to coincide with the new year.

You can probably guess what the plan is. It's something that most health clubs rely on.

Yes, it's a plan to lose weight.

This spring, I was slimmer and fitter than I'd been since a teenager. I liked the feeling. Then I visited Canada where I ate out almost every night and continually made bad food choices. Then upon returning to Spain I used the excuse of temporary living arrangements to avoid eating well and exercising.

But now I have no excuse to remain a size I'm not comfortable with.

The diet part will be easy. Eat potato chips very infrequently and focus on eating at least five servings of fruits and vegetables a day. When I do that everything else falls into place.

And now, with our txikihome, exercise will also be easy. We live on the 7th floor (or 6th floor for most Europeans) without an elevator. There are 101 steps up to our flat. Climbing them is tiring. My heart races and my lungs hurt.

My goal is to be able to go down and up the 101 steps five times briskly without feeling like I'm going to die.

I'll let you know how well I stick to this 1010 stair exercise plan.

Someday Lessons:

• If habits are easy and interesting, goals are difficult to achieve.
• Tell people about your goals. It'll keep you accountable for them.

Bringing the Fun In

I love watching people do what they love doing. On Friday last week, we went into Bilbao to see Fangoria in concert. Alaska (the lead singer) is a spectacular performer. Unlike the Spice Girls or Madonna, Alaska doesn't rely on big budgets to put on a good show.

And to be honest, although she can sing, Alaska does not have the voice of Sade. Fangoria cannot draw crowds solely to watch Alaska stand in the middle of an empty stage and sing.

Alaska and Fangoria draw crowds because they have fun. Raul's seen them four times in the past twelve months, on the same tour singing the same songs. And why so often? Because Alaska is infectious. You want to be around her. She has fun on stage and surrounds herself with other performers who like to have fun.

And who wouldn't want to be a part of that?

Someday Lessons:

• Do what you enjoy most and you'll draw other positive people to you.
• Having fun is a choice. What choice are you making?

Bilbao Bound

Guess what? Yes, it's Friday and we're going somewhere yet again.

This time, it's only an hour away, Bilbao. We're going to see the Spanish avant guard band Fangoria in concert. And while we're there, we'll also hit IKEA again for those things we can't live without.

Sunday we'll spend some time alone in our txikihome, relaxing.

Someday Lessons:

• IKEA is a dangerous place. It's too easy to spend too much there.
• Weekends are for having fun. What are you doing this weekend?

You Can't Please Everyone

On an agent's recommendation, I sent my novel to an online writers' circle. Based on the first twenty-odd pages of the novel, I received feedback from one person telling me that it was one of the worst pieces of writing he'd ever read and wished he had the skills to help me correct the mess I'd made of the novel.

This type of feedback could crush me. Or I could dismiss it as coming from someone without any communication skills. Or I could argue with the guy, hoping to convince him that what I've written is good.

I chose none of those responses. I thanked him for his comments and asked as a part of my market research for his age.

Obviously not every novel appeals to every person. Many books that I think of as complete and utter crap are bestsellers, are considered works of literary genius, or both.

Still, being the sensitive artist that I am, this guy's words did sting. I want everyone to enjoy my writing!

Someday Lessons:

• You can't please everyone, so don't try.
• A person's negative reaction to something you do often has little to do with you.

P.S. I have received great feedback of the positive variety as well...

Discovering Patience Revisited

A few weeks ago I decided that patience was a matter of living in the present, not the future. Last week I discovered there's another form of patience that I was not understanding.

Our recent IKEA purchases included some LACK floating shelves. You know the ones. They look great, but they are a real pain in the ass to mount.

Eager to prove myself a handy guy to Raul, I dove right in, measuring, drilling, being a total do-it-yourselfer. You can guess what happened. My measurements were off, the holes weren't deep enough and we destroyed five screws (and gave ourselves blisters) getting the shelf mount back off the wall to correct the problem.

Can you also guess the lesson here? What are the key words?

You got it: “eager to prove myself.”

I didn't take the time to prepare the work area or to ask for help. I didn't want to appear like I couldn't do something. Of course, by being impatient, I did exactly what I didn't want to do.

Someday Lessons:

• No one needs to prove themselves to anyone.
• Impatience is ego-driven. Destroy the ego and find patience.

Happy New Year

How fitting that New Year's Day falls on a Lazy Tuesday. We were out drinking and dancing until the not-so-wee hours of the morning.

Today is a day to do nothing but cuddle in bed with Raul.

Someday Lessons:

• Some culture (can't remember which) has the saying: How you start the year is how you continue it.
• Choose your activities today carefully.