Someday Syndrome

Soaking in Hot Sea Water

Tomorrow Raúl and I are going to San Sebastian's thermal baths. You have absolutely no clue how much I'm looking forward to the visit.

This week I started taking Caprylic Acid pills. It's an anti-fungal. The pills accelerate the die-off of the Candida. Unfortunately die-off produces a lot of pain. Think of it. My body is now full of dying yeast. As it dies, it releases toxins. Toxins produce pain.

Coming home from work, I have to climb about 100 steps, a very steep hill and then the six flights of stairs. Yesterday I was okay on the 100 steps. The steep hill exhausted me and the six flights of stairs nearly made me weep.

The last time I went through this (nearly five years ago), I would feel better by having a nice hot bath. Since our bathroom is only four feet wide and we only have a shower, I can't do that in our Txikihome.

So several hours in thermal baths – yeah I need that right now.

Someday Lessons:

• The road to happiness can detour through pain sometimes. Stay the course.
• When going through a rough patch, find little things to keep your spirits up.

Breeding Familiarity

Yesterday I remembered that I live in a different country, speak a different language now, and have every intention of staying here a long time. I remembered that I'm living the life I want.

It made me quite giddy.

In the daily grind, it's easy to forget this joy. When I moved to San Sebastian, I worried about this blog. How was I going to keep it up when my life settled into normalcy, when life became routine?

But that's what most people live every day. Life isn't huge adventures, living out of a car or plunking yourself down in another country, another culture, without having to earn money. It's day to day details that dull joy and happiness.

So today, I want you to do something. I want you to appreciate your life. Even if you're not in a good place right now, find one thing that makes you happy and celebrate it. You don't need to shout it from the rooftops, but tell someone. Vocalize your happiness and make it real. Make it concrete.

Someday Lessons:

• Familiarity breeds not contempt but inattention. Stay aware of yourself.
• Familiarity also breeds comfort, often unhappy comfort. Don't let that be you.

Fishing the Text Sea

In Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next series, the third book is called the Well of Lost Plots. It's the place where writers go to when they are creating stories. These are all the unpublished books, all the fragments of ideas that authors have had. And if they are left unpublished too long they are broken up for parts and the leftover letters go into the Text Sea to be reused by someone else.

I love this concept.

As part of my writing routine I've started doing daily writing exercises. I don't do them every day, but I'm aiming for most days. On the FM Writers forums I'm given a writing prompt. It can be anything, from having to write about a character needing to get past a vicious dog, to someone having the ability to shift at will.

The interesting thing is that I'm never at a loss for ideas. Sometimes when I'm feeling lazy I don't respond to a particular prompt, but I know that if I made a bit more of an effort, I'd come up with something. The pieces are always short, under 500 words, but they are enough to give me an idea of a world, of a situation that I could explore.

Every day I fish the Text Sea. With patience I catch enough letters to create an idea. Each idea then goes into the Well of Lost Plots and stay there until I decide to explore them further, or until I no longer want them and they go back into the Sea, ready for the next fisher/writer to come along.

Someday Lessons:

• Your creativity is boundless. It's just a matter of finding the right metaphor to access it.
• If you want to pull yourself out of routine, practice creativity regularly.

Names Have Power

In 1985, Ursula K. LeGuin wrote a story called She Unnames Them. It's about Eve (and Adam) and the naming of things. It's one of my favourite short stories. When we name something we define it. We say what it is and what it isn't. We also define how we act and react around the thing we've named

Take today's theme. I never know what to say on Lazy Tuesday. I procrastinate about what I'm going to write. You'll notice that many times I've used the theme as an excuse not to write anything (here, here, here and here).

I had meant the theme to represent the procrastination part of this blog. It hasn't turned out that way though. The meaning of the name has mutated and has come to represent something else altogether. I won't change the name--I quite like it--but I will have to be more determined to write about procrastination and to not procrastinate about writing.

Someday Lessons:
Be very careful about word choice. It can really affect you attitude and actions.
Changing the name of something changes its meaning and changes your approach to it.

The Fog Begins to Clear

Last week I started an anti-yeast diet. Today I finally feel good. Last week I was cranky, irritable, judgmental, and hurt everywhere. Thinking was difficult and I felt there were wads of cotton between me and the world. Today my mind is clear and my body is (mostly) pain-free.

The sugar cravings drove me crazy. They still do, actually, but having gone through the worst of the detox symptoms, I'm not about to give in and have to start all over!

I'm through the worst but staying on the diet won't be easy. Temptations abound! Fortunately as I continue to feel better, the cravings will fade. They'll never go away, though. Over the years I've conditioned my body to like certain things, like bread and cheese and sugar. I'll always crave them and for the rest of my life I'll have to monitor and moderate their intake.

Someday Lessons:

• Gratification and happiness are two different things.
• Happiness is not automatic – it takes vigilance to maintain it.

Off The Road Again

I'm a bad man. I'm selling Fleur for parts today.

She's been a good car and I've had a lot of fun with her despite her age. We've been together for a year now and have traveled over most of the Pyrenees, the French and Spanish sides.

In cutting back on income and expenses, however, a car does not figure into the monthly budget. I don't need a car. It is convenient to have one, though. Now trips need to be carefully coordinated, by train, by bus, by going with others. Raul and I will lose some of our freedom without a car.

However, I have a goal. I want to write fiction. This means less time for earning money (in the short-term). To reach this goal, I must give up some things and the car is one of them.

Someday Lessons:

• When you personify things, getting rid of them is harder.
• Clear goals make hard decisions easier.

Surround Yourself With Happy People

We are defined by our friends. If our friends complain all the time, or judge people, or are just generally negative people, chances are you are too. You might want to be more positive, to be less judgmental, but if that's all you hear from others, it's difficult to do anything else yourself.

It could be as simple as moving your desk at work away from the coworker who never has anything nice to say. Or you might have to divorce yourself from a friend or two.

Before you do, talk to them. Explain what you feel when you are together. Ask them if they understand and if they would like help being more positive. Unfortunately, many negative people will see this type of conversation as an attack, so the divorce may be inevitable.

It's difficult to do this with family members. A literal divorce might be necessary, or a careful distancing from a negative sibling or parent. Don't, however, withdraw from your kids. Children usually need a hug right when they're being their most negative.

Someday Lessons:

• What do your friendships say about you? Are they positive or negative?
• Monkey see, monkey do. What do look at every day?

Do You Know If You're Happy?

When I was younger and more dramatic I used to wallow in unhappiness (Okay fine, sometimes I still do indulge in a good bout of self-pity, but I try to stop it as soon as I notice what I'm doing). Now when I realize that I'm starting to get unhappy I look for the cause then change things.

A lot of people, however, know they are unhappy and don't do a thing about it. It could be a case of self-worth; they don't believe they are worthy of being happy. It could be inertia; easier to stay comfortably unhappy then make an effort to change. Or it could be fear; it's less risky to stay where you are than to aim higher and maybe fall lower.

These things I understand. Insecurity, inertia and fear are active. They are the results of being aware of life, even if they are negative. What I don't get, however, is people who never look at their lives. They don't actually know if they are happy or not. They don't just live with blinders on, hiding other possibilities, they don't even have their eyes open! These people seem to be content to go through life as if they were on a really long and boring car ride. Nothing interesting is supposed to happen and they hit the major milestones in life in the same way they'd stop off at service stations along the highway.

With this type of life, all I think is: “How sad.”

Someday Lessons:

• Live positively or live negatively, but be aware of your choices.
• You have one life – what are you doing with it?

What Aren't You Doing To Be Happy?

Yesterday my sister added a comment, talking about what she wanted to be happier. She also mentioned what she was doing about each thing to improve the situation.

I don't want my body to hurt, so I've changed my diet. I want to earn a living from writing fiction. For that I'm spending several hours a day writing, editing, learning techniques, and critiquing other people's work. Plus I want to be published, but I'm not really doing much about it.

Yes, I submitted my novel to an agent, but I have several short stories in my computer that I don't send out to magazines or contests. I say that I'm a writer and yet I don't actively pursue becoming a published writer.

Why not? Fear. Simply fear.

Most people have a fear of rejection. If we put ourselves out there, others will say no to us, so it's better to not do anything.

Having realized this about myself however, I can push myself past the fear and do what I need to.

Someday Lessons:

• To succeed ambition needs to be stronger than fear.
• We all want things but how many of us actively pursue them?

You're Not As Happy As You Could Be

I don't mean superficially happy, like “I'd be happier if Bones came back on the air soon,” or “I'd be happier if I got the mirror in the bedroom hung.” I mean soul-deep happiness. I mean the happiness that Gretchen Rubin talks about in The Happiness Project.

Right now I've never been happier in my entire life, and yet I'm not has happy as I want to be.

I would be happier if I were published. I would be happier if I didn't have to worry about my diet and resulting pain when I ignore it. I would be happier if I could support myself purely from writing fiction.

Those are concrete things. They are things I can works towards. Do you know what would make you happier? Most people don't. Most people go through life comfortably unhappy or merely content. Most people think that true happiness is beyond them, that it's for idealists who don't live in the real world.

Are you one of those people?

Someday Lessons:

• What would make you truly happy? Do you know?
• Don't live a comfortable life. Strive for a happy one.

Pain Is Not Fun

It's time for a cleanse.

In 1994, I was misdiagnosed with fibromyalgia. For nine years, I lived in constant pain, with energy levels what fluctuated from Superman-high to corpse-low. Then in 2003 I went on an anti-yeast diet and was pain-free within three weeks. I didn't last on the diet the full year that I was supposed to do, so I didn't totally get rid of the yeast overload. Instead I have to manage it.

Spanish people love their sweets, especially bread-like sweets. So do I. Plus I have a bit of a cheese addiction.

I've started waking up sore, and my energy levels have been making me a bit manic – super happy one day, super low the next. Before things get too bad, I'm going to go back on the restricted diet and buy myself some anti-fungals from the health store.

The only question is how much willpower do I actually have and how long will I be able to last?

Someday Lessons:

• Something that provides short-term happiness (sweets) might deny long-term happiness (being pain-free).
• What are you willing to give up to achieve long-term happiness?

Organizing a Small Home

In Toronto my house had 1000sq ft and quite often it felt small for one person. Now I live in 250sq ft with someone else and it's perfect. It's our Txikihome and with some creative organizing, it functions perfectly.

When setting up the place, we followed three simple rules:

1. Scale furniture to the space.
2. Make things multi-functional.
3. Use vertical space.

In the bedroom, we mounted shelves above the bed, use decorative boxes about the wardrobe and have under the bed storage as well (see after the jump).

In the living room, instead of buying a standard media centre, we bought two small pieces of an IKEA shelving system and mounted shelves above them. I own a laptop and Raul has a desktop. In the picture the desktop is missing but it will go to the left of the TV and we have a wireless keyboard and mouse so that Raul can use the computer from the sofa.

The most creative idea that Raul had was to buy two IKEA lamps that function as a movable wall, blocking the view of the sink from the sofa. When we need to make the living room larger, the lamps move into the kitchen. And when we have dinner guests, the wall moves into the living room.

Someday Lessons:

• Disorganization happens when you fail to plan.
• Small doesn't need to mean cramped.

Deliberate Decisions

Last week I started an online writing workshop. The exercises are fascinating and I'm learning a lot about my writing. The biggest thing I've learned is that I'm an instinctive writer. Yes, I plan and outline—a lot—but many of the choices I make, like point of view, voice, tense and intensity, I make without thinking about them.

Now, however, the exercises have made me aware of these choices and in the future I won't be able to make the decisions instinctively. I'll have to be more deliberate. Of course my writing will be better for it, but it also means that every piece I write from now on will take me much longer.

However, if I look back at my first novel, I can see that if I'd made more deliberate choices earlier on, I likely would have avoided the lengthy editing process that I now face. So, yeah, initial thoroughness is a good thing.

Someday Lessons:

• Make deliberate decisions. Don't let habit or laziness make them for you.
• Even if a deliberate decision reaffirms an instinctual one, at least you'll know for sure you were right.

Less Really Is More

Most books on financial lifestyle focus on earning more money. I once read a book about needing less. At the time I laughed at it. I was living in Toronto, with a mortgage, a new business that wasn't earning enough to live on, business development expenses and... well, you get the idea. My basic living minimum was nearly $3000 a month.

Now I understand. I still live in an expensive city (the second most expensive city in Spain), travel regularly, eat well and enjoy life. But I do it all on less than half of what I needed to earn in Toronto.

What's changed?

Mainly, my attitude. Before, I was looking to get rich. I wanted to create a model of business that would allow me to work less eventually. Now I live in the present and work less in the moment. I still have a plan for the future, but I don't care about becoming rich.

I focus on what I love doing, which is writing. Success is tied to how much I write: fiction, client work, blog work, etc, not how much I earn. I do track what I earn to make sure I'm bringing in what I need, but I'm not obsessed about it.

Instead I simply enjoy life.

Someday Lessons:

• What's important to you? Are you focusing on that or on what you think you need?
• If you don't know what's important to you, you're likely less happy than you could be.

P.S. Plus I have no dependents and I share expenses with Raul, making life much easier.

Spring Has Sprung

And I couldn't be happier...

Someday Lessons:

• Take time to enjoy the beauty around you.
• Celebrate things that make you happy.

A Weekend Apart

Raúl flew to Madrid and I'm organizing the apartment.

Yes, that's my plan for the weekend. Not that I chose that over Madrid. I'm not that weird. Raúl went to Madrid with a friend. It's something they do a few times a year normally.

When he was planning the trip, he asked if I minded.

“Why would I mind?” I replied (in Spanish of course).

Worry, jealousy and fear were his answers.

That launched us into a monogamy conversation. We both say we believe in it and we trust each other. So...

Worry, jealousy and fear went out the window.

Plus I've been so busy recently, the idea of partying until six in the morning does not interest me at all (although I did stay up until two last night writing).

Someday Lessons:

• It's okay, quite healthy even, for couples to do things separately.
• Without trust, happiness is impossible.

Choosing Excellence

Yesterday I told you how an agent is willing to reread my novel once I've edited it. But I learned my lesson from yesterday well. If I can't provide excellence then I'll wait until I can.

You see, I've decided to put the novel aside for now and start on my next project. Once I have a bit of distance from my first novel, I'll go back and tighten everything up.

Yes, this might mean that I lose an opportunity with this agent, but if I rushed the edit now, I'd not achieve excellence and the book would be rejected for a third and final time.

Someday Lessons:

• Maintaining standards sometimes means losing opportunities.
• Perfection isn't the goal – excellence is.

Discovering Patience Part III

Last fall, an agent asked for a rewrite of my novel. I agreed that the rewrite would improve the novel, so I went forward with it.

Rewrite done, I resubmitted it last month. And today, the agent rejected it.

She liked what I'd done, but said the novel now needs a really good edit which her agency is too busy to help with. In my rush to get the novel back to her, I ignored my intuition. I knew the novel still needed work, but I didn't want her to wait too long and maybe forget about me.

Fortunately, I'm a good enough writer that the agent likes the story and wants another resubmit when the edits are done.

Someday Lessons:

• Slow excellence is better than fast mediocrity.
• Don't let impatience silence intuition.

Creative Play

One of the writing sites that I belong to (FM Writers) is celebrating its 10th anniversary. It's a primarily fantasy writer site and so as part of its celebrations the moderators have announced a shared world project. Shared worlds were very popular in the late 80s early 90s with Thieves' World and Liavek.

Someone else created the first draft of the map for this shared world and I spent this morning reading in detail the “encyclopedia” for the world. I then edited the map based on what I'd read.

I have always wanted to contribute to a project like this and so I was thrilled when they announced it. One of the best parts of this project is that it doesn't matter if it gets published. For me, It's an exercise in expanding my writing and collaboration skills.

Plus it's a whole lot of fun!

Someday Lessons:

• Just because something feels like procrastination, it doesn't mean you're not being productive.
• Having fun and playing is one of the best ways to learn new skills.

I Couldn't Do It

After four years away from a job-job, I couldn't stand working for someone else.

Last Thursday I decided that I would quit my job and go back to being self-employed. I didn't change my entire life to go back to doing something that I don't want to do.

Then Friday this decision was advanced because I spun out on the highway and damaged Fleur. I'm fine and the car is drivable, but not on highways. And since I can't drive to work, I have to quit.

Fortunately I've already found a website writing contract that'll cover the basics and I'm actually looking forward to rebuilding my business. This time I'll know exactly what I want and how to go about getting it.

Someday Lessons:

• Life can end at any moment. Are you living the life you want?
• Pursuing happiness needs constant vigilance against backsliding into fear-driven actions.

Ooh! Sparkly!

Yesterday my hairdresser did something new. He put a blue rinse in my hair!

That's right. I'm a blue rinser.

The hairdresser told me that the rinse was to take the build up off my grey. Now, I knew I have grey hair, but I didn't realize just how much!

And wow, did it ever make a difference! My hair really sparkles now.

Just in time for Carnavales...

Someday Lessons:

• We are all getting older – celebrate it.
• See change as something to enjoy not dread or fear.

P.S. He also trimmed my ear hair but I refuse to celebrate that.