Someday Syndrome

Resisting the Peanut Butter

I've always believed that I lack willpower. I just can't make myself do things I don't want to nor NOT do things I do want to.

I have all the things I need for super success in whatever I do: ambition, drive, talent (modesty) - everything except willpower. I'm not as successful as I could be because I lack willpower. It's inherent and unchangeable.

(Un)fortunately that's a complete lie. How do I know that? Because I've discovered I do possess willpower over what I eat. With my severely limited diet, I could cheat easily. No one would know if I bought a donut or devoured a bag of potato chips. I simply choose not to because I remember the nine years of pain I used to live in and was beginning to feel again.

Yesterday for example I had a terrible craving for peanut butter and Ritz crackers, my mainstay childhood food. I could taste the smooth sweetness of the Kraft PB, the buttery saltiness of the Ritz. I felt the cracker snap and flake as my teeth bit into it, the peanut butter sticking my tongue to the roof of my mouth.

Later in the day I walked past a bakery and decided I would be willing trade my soul for a soft, chewy peanut butter cookie that would coat my mouth with floury goodness.

I managed to resist both, however, without much drama. I have no desire to live the rest of my life in pain, so denying myself sweets and processed foods for six months every five years is easily doable.

So yeah, I do have willpower - when I find something important enough. Does it mean then that I find very few things important? Or that I'm just lazy?

Someday Lessons:

• Willpower is not inherent - it's a choice, like almost everything else in life.
• Pain and discomfort often motivate change better than anything else.

Someone Else's Writing

Those of you who were here last summer will remember that my sister took over for me while I was on holiday. Now she has her own blog (sometimes shared with her boyfriend, man, spouse, significant other?).

Today she posted a great topic about marriage and about using life as a learning experience.

It's much better than anything I could come up with today, so go read it.

http://urbanpanther.blogspot.com/2008/04/mawage.html

Someday Lessons:

• Celebrate the successes of others as well as your own.
• When someone else says something really well, quote them - there's no need to come up with your own version.

The Blogger's New Clothes

Raul's best friend is visiting this weekend. Many times he's told Raul that he would be happy to take any extra clothes off of Raul's hands (yes Raul has an extensive wardrobe).

Today therefore Raul and I went through all of his clothes still at his mother's place. Being the boyfriend I got first pick on anything I liked. So I now have a great new summer wardrobe and I didn't have to pay a penny!

Someday Lessons:

• Before summer starts have a clothes swap with friends.
• You don't have to spend lots of money to enjoy a new wardrobe.

On The Way to Work

I hope I'll never take my commute to work for granted.

Today I walked along the water's edge, clambered over seaweed covered rocks, dodged the incoming tide and lay on the beach in the sun for an hour listening to the Decemberists (The Crane Wife) before I went to teach class.

Can it get any better than that?

Someday Lessons:

• Even the most wonderful things become commonplace with enough repetition.
• Don't take the good things in life for granted. Stay in the moment and savour everything.

A Cat in the Sun

I know I'm supposed to only use the bed for sleeping (and of course... no I won't say more - this is a family-friendly blog). Unfortunately, with my weird heartburn symptoms, I've pretty much lived in the bed for the past two weeks, which has played total havoc with my sleeping patterns.

I go to sleep not tired. I wake up in the middle of the night. I sometimes go sleep on our tiny sofa just for a change of scenery. And I always wake up stiff and exhausted.

Normally I refuse to nap during the day (to try to be more tired when I go to bed) but today I couldn't resist. The sun was shining for the first time in a while and there was some real heat in the air, so I took a towel and my MP3 player out to the terrace and napped in the sun for an hour.

I then went into work feeling rested plus I got a great start on my summer tan.

Someday Lessons:

• No cure is ever without its side effects.
• Sunshine makes me happy.

The Arrogance of Experts

The antacid medication hasn't kicked in yet, so I didn't go in to work. I spent the day in bed except for half-an-hour when I went to see the doctor to get a note for my boss. While there I asked the doctor a few questions about the pain and about the candida problems I have, but unfortunately she gave me the typical western medicine response of "you're just the patient – you don't know anything."

If it weren't for the language barrier I would have pushed more, but then again I think I would have just been banging my head against a wall, which might have distracted from the acid-pain but wouldn't have been good in the long run. The doctor's attitude was the same I experienced when the medical community in Toronto told me that I had fibromyalgia and couldn't do anything about it. After living in pain for nine years I changed my diet and poof! all symptoms went away (for almost five years).

In other words I'm a little short on trust right now but in Spain people are assigned their doctors and can't look around for one they trust and feel comfortable with. Maybe I'll make a long distance appointment with my former naturopath in Toronto. He always paid attention to everything I told him.

Someday Lessons:

• All too often, the more people know, the less the listen to others.
• Ultimately, you are the only true advocate for your health.

Making Progress Happen

I don't like to work. Since the worsening of my acid reflux, my desire to work has totally died. I do, however, want the results of working. I want the finished products, which means I have to work, no matter how much I don't want to.

Fortunately I have a plan for when I'm in this "I don't want to work" mode. I work for 20 minutes then do something else for 10, like watch a bit of a TV show, or shower, or wash dishes. I try to mix up getting away from the computer in the non-working time so that I don't become a complete sloth.

My easily distracted self can cope with 20 minute work intervals and actually once I get into something I often work for 30 or 40 minutes without stopping.

Someday Lessons:

• Future-goals and now-desires might conflict. Decide which is more important and change the other.
• If you struggle staying focused, break the day into chunks and ignore everything but the chunk of the moment.

Why Don't I Have Healing Powers?

With the help of medication and a bland diet, I'm beginning to feel better. I can still taste stomach acid, but it's not so all-consuming like last week. Unfortunately Raul is still sick with laryngitis. He's been at home for a week now and bored out of his tree.

As a problem-solving person, I want to DO something to make him feel better. Of course I can't. I can only do things to make him feel more comfortable. I make sure he's warm. I feed him fresh crepes with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. And of course I give him lots of hugs and kisses.

Through all this, I feel like I'm not doing everything I can. I should be able to fix this. Everything should be fixable. And I take it as a personal offense that it's not.

Someday Lessons:

• Don't beat yourself about things that you don't have the power to change.
• Learn to accept that sometimes you can't do anything to help others.

More Detox (Not Fun)

I discovered this week that I needed to detox from the high-fat diet I'd been consuming recently. What does that mean?

Pain, messed up sleep patterns, random emotions jumping out at any moment, and a general feeling of disconnectedness.

I can only hope this passes more quickly than the last detox two months ago.

Someday Lessons:

• Life is spiral: things repeat, but never in quite the same way.
• Sometimes you just need to wait out the storm, trying to stay as dry and warm as possible.

More About Alex

Every once in a while I get an email from someone with a list of questions with a request to answer them, then send the list out to everyone you know and copy the sender.

Most of the time I ignore them, but this last one (from my fourth-cousin once-removed) I'm posting here so that everyone can get to know me a little better.

Enjoy!

Someday Lessons:

• No one ever knows everything about someone.
• If you want to be truly happy, share your life and thoughts with others.

To-Do List Dependence

Last Tuesday at 7:55am work called, wondering why I wasn't there yet.

But I don't have class today, I thought. I only have classes Tuesday and Thursday mornings.

Oh. Oops!

I do this sort of thing all the time. My ability to remember tasks resembles a beagle's ability to not smell every tree it passes – non-existent. To solve this problem, I rely on lists, especially on daily to-do lists. On weekdays I even put breakfast and lunch on the list or I will reach leaving-for-work time without having eaten anything all day.

Since I no longer use Outlook (I'm a Gmail man) I had been creating these lists in OpenOffice Writer each night before going to bed. The problem with manual lists, though, is that if I forget to put something on this list, it doesn't get done – just like class last Tuesday.

I don't own a PDA and wouldn't use one if I did (I've tried, they just aren't me). However I love my laptop. It's an extension of my body, a backup of my data corrupting brain.

Last week, Unclutterer.com recommended an online to-do list that can link to Gmail. I signed up and fell in love (see Unclutterer's review here). I've uploaded all my tasks and included their weird repeating schedules. My productivity has soared, I'm a lot happier because I'm not forgetting things, and (the best part) Raul doesn't have to be my personal assistant any more. He was beginning to find my absentmindedness not so cute.

Someday Lessons:

• Some things are just inherently you. Don't try to change them – just find workarounds.
• Take responsibility for yourself – don't expect others to do things that for you.

Enforced Health Diet

For years I've told myself that I should eat more fresh vegetables and fewer fatty foods like potato chips, but I love fried food and never really got into lots of veggies.

Now I have no choice. On top of having problems with Candida-inducing foods, my stomach has decided that fatty foods cause acid reflux. For the next month the doctor has prescribed me pills to calm my stomach and told me to eat more cleanly. This means that on top of not eating sugar, alcohol, yeast, wheat, mushrooms and other such yummy foods, I also have to cut out non-lean meat, fried food and other high-fat foods. Also hot foods (temperature and spice) irritate my esophagus, so I need to eat my food at room temperature or cold.

What's left you ask?

• Chicken/turkey breast
• Fresh vegetables
• Rice/corn cakes
• Yogurt
• Salads
• Rice
• Fish

I'm so going to get bored (and thin!). At least it's only for a month.

Someday Lessons:

• Don't procrastinate about your health.
• If you don't take care of yourself by choice, your body will likely force you to later.

Uninspiring Morning Thoughts

Last week I said that I would pay attention to what were my first thoughts each morning and see how they affected my day. Contrary to what I thought would happen, my initial thoughts weren't influenced by the decision to monitor them – they were as mundane and non-inspiring as anything (except for last Tuesday).

My morning thoughts tend to fall into one of three categories:

1. Hola mi amor – to Raul if he wakes me up.
2. I'm bursting! - when my bladder is super-full.
3. I'm so tired – when I haven't exercised the day before and therefore not slept well.

This week I'm going to monitor what I think about just before going to bed, since my father said that's when he thinks happy thoughts about breakfast the next morning. Maybe the thoughts will be more interesting or inspiring.

Someday Lessons:

• Experiments often don't turn out as we expect.
• Keep your mind open and accept the unexpected.

Day off

I didn't feel like writing anything today, so I won't.

See you all tomorrow!

Speaking Different Languages

Tick, tick, tick… What's that you hear? Something waiting to explode? Oh, that's just a tired Alex mixed with a tired Raul.

Last night we stayed up until after 2am watching the season premiere of Spanish Pop Idol (www.OperacionTriunfo.com), so slept only four and a half hours. When we have too little sleep, Raul gets aggressive and I get defensive (can't you just hear the bomb ticking?).

Needless to say, midmorning we tripped the detonator despite Raul thinking that he was holding back much of his aggressiveness and me certain that I had destroyed my super-sensitive ego.

The problem? We talk too much. We said much more than was necessary and ended up covered in the debris of a miscommunication and hurt feeling bomb. Fortunately the bomb was small and we cleaned things up quickly.

Someday Lessons:

• Relationships require much patience on both sides.
• Good communication skills include knowing when to shut up.

A Recipe for Meditation

I used to dread doing dishes. I would let them pile up for more than a week until I had nothing clean. Even then I would only wash what I needed and then put the dirty dishes back in the pile. Ask any of my old roommates and they'll answer quickly and vocally how bad I was a dishes.

Now, however, each day I look forward to washing the dishes. We don't use that many each day, so I wash everything once a day. I do so after lunch before I leave for teaching. While I wash the dishes, I don't think about anything at all. In other words, I meditate while my hands stay busy with the glasses, plates, cutlery and pots.

Someday Lessons:

• Something you hate doing can become something you love, simply by changing how you look at it.
• Meditation doesn't have to happen on a matter chanting Buddhist phrases. It can happen anywhere you want it to.

Starting the Day

My father wakes up every morning thinking "Oh goodie! Another day!"

I have no idea what I think when I wake up, so this week I will try an experiment. Each day when I wake up I will write down the first thing that comes through my head.

Of course likely the first thing in my head will be: "where's my pen and paper?" or: "what was that thought I just had?" so the whole experiment might be a waste of time.

I guess I'll find out!

Someday Lessons:

• Do you look forward to each day or do you drag yourself out of bed?
• How you start your day sets the stage for the whole day.

A Really Fun Friday

Today I did a small writing marathon and got a lot accomplished. I wrote for 20 minutes, then did something else (like watch TV, do dishes, eat breakfast, etc...) for ten minutes, 20 minutes writing, 10 minutes other. I did this from 8:30 to 2pm and got a lot more accomplished than normal.

After spending some time with Raul, I walked to work and marveled at my new city. I live on a BEACH! Yes, my walk to work included strolling along the edge of the beach in the spring sun. I mean, can a work commute get any better than that?

And now Raul and I are going out to his favourite restaurant in the city to celebrate the launch of OrganizingConnection.com and the completion of a thoroughly enjoyable and rewarding project.

Someday Lessons:

• Remember to celebrate the little things as well as the big ones.
• Don't let yourself grow blinders to what's around you – be a tourist in your own city.

P.S. Thank you to Cynthia from the Thoughtful Consumer for her kind words about this blog.

It's Sharing Time

Since I'm already in the sharing mood (having shared with you my script writing), I thought I'd share some of my fiction writing.

My current WIP (that's Work In Progress) is a young adult novel where the main character chooses (for various reasons) to live alone on a tropical island. I've decided to actually trap him there. I used the following scene as a way to develop my descriptive skills.

Someday Lessons:

• Don't keep your creativity bottled up - share it with the world.
• When something is a work in progress, don't worry about the little mistakes. You'll have time to polish it later.

*****
By the time Mercaj got down to the beach, his little sailboat was deep in the water, tugging furiously to be free from its tether. Like all the trees on the island, the palm to which it was attached thrashed in the wind.

The winds were much stronger on the beach, however. Mercaj had more than just the deep soft sand under his feet to hinder his rescue of the boat. The wind picked up the sand and threw it at Mercaj with such force he was sure it was scrubbing off skin. Plus the wall of water the rain had turned into certainly didn't help.

As he approached the palm, he noticed that the tieline was sliding up and down the truck of the palm as the tree whipped around. Unripe coconuts littered the beach, unable to hold on under the onslaught.

Mercaj reached the rope after what felt like an eternity. He dug his heels into the sand, grasped the rope and ...

A Proud Parent

I know know what parents must feel like when they see their children grow. You think you've raised your kids a certain way but then suddenly they're independent being with their own opinions, influenced and shaped by things over which you have no control. You're full of pride, but you also feel a bit stunned – “How did that come from me?”

Today www.OrganizingConnection.com launched, which means the scripts I've been working on for the last two months have premiered as well. I've read enough scripts of TV shows and movies that I've seen to know that a script often has only a passing relationship with the final product. Fortunately this is not the case with Organizing Connection. Yes, after an edit by the site owners and a comedian, the filming, and the editing what people see differs from what I wrote, but I can see the original work their underlying the whole structure. It's especially exciting when I see my words coming out of an actor's mouth.

As for the site itself? Info-rich, gorgeous colours and super easy to navigate.

 

I encourage you all to visit the site, take a look around using the free membership they offer. Once you're hooked, I know you'll want to buy a subscription and continue to watch my scripts comes to life month after month.

Someday Lessons:

• When a strong creative team comes together, the results are spectacular.
• As always, remember to celebrate and share your successes.

Supressing the Tiggerish Impulses

Back in January I mentioned a goal of being able to go down and up my the 100 stairs to my apartment five times without killing myself. I haven't yet reached that goal, but I now take the stairs two at a time (keeping my back straight) and I arrive at the top only mildly out of breath.

In the lesson for that post I said that you should talk to others about your goals to make them more concrete and to make you more accountable for them. Since then, I've decided that for me, talking about my goals has the opposite effect.

I have a grand imagination. When I talk about something, in my head I imagine doing it and succeeding at it (very good). Therefore in real life I don't need to actually do it. I've done it. I've felt the thrill of victory. Why go through the work to get there in reality? (not so good)

So from now on, I'll let you know what I was striving for once I've achieved it. Of course my mouth is so used to babbling, that I might slip up and Tiggerishly tell you things anyway. Please remind me of this post when I do.

Someday Lessons:

• Sometimes talking is a way of avoiding doing.
• Figuring out what works best for you is usually a matter of trial and error.