Damaging My Defenses

When I was writing my upcoming email workshop (launching later this month), I asked my sister to be my lab-rat. She agreed and ran through the lessons and exercises, discovering a way to turn her negativity about her job into passion for a long-term blogging plan. Before she'd even finished the workshop, she'd launched Urban Panther (quickly joined by the Urbane Lion).

And being the sort of person my sister is, she researched what needed doing and set up a plan to do it. As a result, she's just a few months into blogging, has become very popular, and surpasses me in regular comments (and likely daily readers).

I'm extremely proud of and happy for her (especially since she discovered the passion through my workshop). There is, however, more than a smidgen of envy and even a touch of highly negative jealousy. Yes, that's right, Self-Pity-Alex managed to sneak back into the personality zoo and started running about yelling, "It's not fair! She's only been at it for a few months! I've been blogging for two years!"

Wise to Self-Pity-Alex's tricks, Realist-Alex pointed out that the Urban Panther went into blogging with a plan. I dove in two years ago without thinking, and other than (more or less) regular posts along consistent themes, I've been just mucking about.

Lazy-Alex stepped in to defend Self-Pity-Alex with some mutterings about how much work it is and shouldn't my writing skills be enough? That drew the rest of the personalities into the fray, causing a near meltdown in the shower this morning.

Fortunately, Realist-Alex called everyone's attention to the hole in the confidence fence that surrounds the zoo. "But what caused the hole?" they all asked, some of the more dramatic personalities fearing asteroid impacts or dinosaurs. "It's simple," replied Willpower-Alex, "We've fallen off the no sugar/no wheat wagon at high velocity and knocked a self-pity sized hole in the defenses during the landing.

Don't worry though, Realist-Alex has frogmarched Self-Pity Alex out of the personality zoo and Willpower-Alex has committed to repairing the breach and standing guard in the meantime.

Someday Lessons:

• Growth never goes in a straight line – expect a few hairpin turns that seemingly take you in the wrong direction.
• Don't let surface thoughts control you – examine them (on several levels) to find out the root cause of negativity.

Comments

[Sal]

Alex,

This is a great article. You have just won yourself another subscriber! Please let me know when your email workshop launches, I would love to have a peek at it. You must have come a long way in your two years, what is the most important moment in a coach's life (or parent's life for that matter), but to develop an all star that ultimately surpasses them in a much shorter time.

Keep the insight coming!

[Alex Fayle]

Thanks Sal! And welcome to the community.

I wasn't thinking of it that way, but it's true. The Urban Panther finding her passion in a few months rather than two years is like parents watching their children surpass them (which sometimes comes with envy and jealousy if the parents are in the right emotional place).

And keep an eye on the blog as I'll be announcing the workshop here in a few weeks.

Cheers,
Alex

[Rita]

Oh, Alex,

Cheer up! I've been subscribed to YOUR blog for much longer than your sister's - AND - until today, I had no idea she WAS your sister!

The way I believe she increased her subscriber count so quickly? She leaves thoughtful comments on OTHER people's posts! Now, I know that can be a two-edged sword...but after reading her comments on what other people were blogging about, I decided to visit her site and see wat SHE had to say!

As for us (you and me) I don't remember if we kind of "fell over each other," or if I saw your blog name, and KNEW I had to follow my instincts. I'm certainly glad that I did.

You and your sister are at different stages in your lives, yet there are many similarities, the most glaring being that you are both embarking on new journies! You both write beautifully, yet you each have your own voice. She also has the added advantage of her Lion. Who DOESN'T want to hear what husband and wife are talking about? (Or partner and partner?)

Give it time! It's great to be happy for her, but also normal for the "green-eyed-monster" to show, especially in siblings! Envy is a normal human feeling - deal with it.

But get off of the pity parade! Talk to your sister about how she set up her plan. If some of the ideas work for you, great - if some don't, then toss them.

As a new blogger myself - and someone who inherited someone ELSE'S blog, it's taken me quite a while to get people to understand that I have my own voice! And, it's working...slowly, but surely.

Stick to your guns, wait, or change directions - it doesn't matter what the numbers say! Write from your heart - as you do. As the movie "Field of Dreams" says, if you build it, they will come!

Build it!

Rita

[Alex Fayle]

Thanks Rita! And, don´t worry, I actually feel mostly pride for what the UP has done with her blog. The self-pity comes from odd food-related hormones. I know exactly why there's a difference in our blogs and am working (without comparisons to anyone else) to improve this blog.

[Rita]

Don't say I didn't warn you...see what salmon does?

Rita

[James Chartrand - Men with Pens]

This is an interesting post to me. You see, Harry and I have a business together. He does best at the behind-the-scenes work. I do best when I'm front man.

But every now and then, we each feel a stab of envy at what the other has. "You know, you get all the attention," he'd mutter. I'd retort with, "Yeah, and you get a nice, peaceful life!"

The problem isn't that one has something the other wants. The problem is that neither of us bother to go out and get what we want. Harry needs to learn to step out a little more when he needs that shine directed his way, and I need to pull back and realize it's okay if I'm not always omnipresent.

Easy? Not particularly. But what's important is knowing the root of the envy and what we need to do about it. And we can - that's the good part.

[Alex Fayle]

@James
There are so many benefits to having a business partnership (some major downsides too, if you don't have a good match happening). Some of the most successful small businesses I've seen since starting my own were partnerships. You can support each other, envy each other, and give each other smack when you need it. ;)

[Urban Panther]

Okay, I should be concerned about family relationships based on this post, but I was too busy roaring (ha! Panther roaring!) out loud. This was hilarious! I kept thinking of Sybil. Amazing, that in such a trim body you are able to house so many Alex-es.

@Rita - thank you for saying my comments were thoughful. I do try to put care and empathy into my comments, with my quirky sense of humour thrown if for good measure.

@Everyone - for the record, Alex and I are each other's Mutual Admiration Society. Can you feel the love? GROUP HUG!

[Alex Fayle]

@UP
We have a very healthy relationship - full of good old fashioned sibling rivalry... NOT! (Wow, that was really 90s of me to say, wasn't it?)

[Alex Fayle]

For those interested in SciFi shows cancelled before their time, check out: http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?id=58412

I agree with #1, 2, 7, 8 & 10.

[Melissa Donovan]

I think it's the curse of teaching others -- sometimes their success surpasses your own. A slight shift in attitude, and it becomes a gift rather than a curse, and an opportunity for the teacher to learn from his student ;)

[Mike Goad]

Interesting post. I came here from your sisters blog, so this is my first read. I envy your closeness with your sister. I'm not close with any of my siblings. Too much time and distance under the bridge..., that and little or nothing in common other than blood.

[Alex Fayle]

Mike:

That's too bad about your siblings, but unfortunately sometimes personalities just don't match up. Hopefully you've found some chosen family from whom you get the same love and support.

Cheers,
Alex