Someday Syndrome

Madge & Me in Paris

Yesterday Raul's best friend, who is a member of Madonna's fan club, bought tickets for her Hard Candy tour which hits Paris in in late September. I've never seen her in concert and if it weren't for Raul, I wouldn't spend the money (despite secretly longing to go).

On the plus side, the show is in Paris, which means spending a weekend there. And Jordi managed to get tickets in the first section right in front of the stage: the mosh pit.

The only drawback? The new album is definitely not one of my favourites. However, the woman always puts on a wicked spectacle and we'll be surrounded by screaming fans who'll for sure infect me with their enthusiasm even if I'm not into every song myself.

Someday Lessons:

• Some dreams need a catalyst to come true.
• Open yourself to the enthusiasm of others and enjoy life more.

The Power of Listening

Yesterday I had my appointment with the homeopath. On the surface, he did nothing different from the doctors I've seen here. I arrived, we talked, he gave me a prescription and told me to come back a month after I've finished the pills.

However, he listened to me. We spoke for almost an hour, quite leisurely and thoroughly about all aspects of my life, not just about the specific symptoms in my stomach. He asked questions and paid attention to the answers. He also appreciated it when I offered information that came into my head at a tangent. There was no line waiting, there was no pile of prescription forms waiting to be printed off. In fact there were no forms at all!

I don't blame the doctors I've seen. The fault lies in a system that has too many users and not enough funding. When I visit my doctor, I have a five or ten minute appointment and my doctor's primary objective always appears to stay as close to being on schedule as possible. This type of environment only encourages a lack of listening because everything needs to be solved in a matter of moments, invariably with some sort of drug.

When I start to take my homeopathic pills, I don't know if they will make me feel better or not, but in a way that doesn't really matter. I already feel better just knowing that someone really paid attention to what's going on in my body instead of throwing medication at symptoms and rushing me out the door.

Someday Lessons:

• Deep focused listening is a skill not many people practice.
• A really good listener has the power to heal.

Why I'm Angry All the Time

Two years ago I decided to give up being merely comfortable and to ruthlessly pursue happiness, which I've pretty much achieved. I'm with a man I love doing what I love in a place that makes me swoon every time I look out the window.

Yet I spend a good deal of my time unreasonably angry with the world in general.

My pursuit of happiness is not comfortable, safe or easy. It's scary. Turning my back on comfort and relentlessly chasing happiness means taking risks which involves a whole lot of fear. Evolution wired human beings to be afraid of the unknown – which has saved us a species many times – but fear often produces anger and because I'm an overly-polite British-Canadian, I absorb that anger. I intellectualize my responses and feel like vomiting if I irrationally snark at someone, but then I feel like vomiting because all that anger has to go somewhere or it will give me an ulcer.

So what to do? Time and time again I've discovered the answer and yet time and time again I ignore it completely. I need to walk more. When I go for an epic two hour walk the endorphins soar and the anger that chews away at my stomach lining shrinks.

In fact I'm going out for a walk right now. See ya!

Someday Lessons:

• A rigorous pursuit of happiness involves more risk than many people are willing to take.
• Never underestimate the power and positive value of endorphins.

Flaunting My Imperfections

I strive daily to destroy my ego, that part of me that whines when things don't go his way, that looks to push himself forward at every turn, and sings "lalalalalalala" when people offer criticism of any kind. You know what I'm talking about, I'm sure. We all have ego-issues.

When I approach a situation without ego, I don't get offended, I don't get stressed and I do end up feeling a lot more joy in my life. Everything goes much more smoothly and everybody's happy.

However, I've been doing something very British recently. I haven't been destroying my ego. I've been suppressing anger and I've paid pretty for it with a stomach full of acid. From here on in, therefore, I will continue with the ego-destruction for spiritual growth, but I'll start expressing anger, resentment, fear, and all those other "non-polite" emotions and comments when I feel them start to burn in my gut.

In fact, I'll revel in it and use the emotions to improve my writing. But of course I'll do it without being a bitch.

After all, there's no reason to be rude.

Someday Lessons:

• There's a big difference between letting anger go and repressing it.
• We are all imperfect people – it's okay to enjoy being petty sometimes.

Twenty Years of Alex

Yesterday I felt cranky and crampy, so the arrival in the mail of a disk containing a whole lot of photos from my dramatic youth perked me right up.

My oldest (she's only 40!) longest (she's kinda short actually) – the friend that I've had the longest (since I was six) scanned in all her photos from our wild rebellious youth and sent them to me. Since I'm still not totally up to snuff yet (but feeling much better thanks), I'll entertain you with a collage of photos from 15-20 and 24, 32 and 35.

Enjoy – feel free to point fingers and laugh!

Someday Lessons:

• Never take yourself too seriously.
• Don't look back at your past and say "I'm so embarrassed!" Instead say "What an experience!"

Click on the image to view it in a larger size.

Too Polite for My Own Good

This weekend, friends visited from Catalonia (hence the lack of posts Thursday and Friday). With my recent stomach problems and resulting bad moods, four people in a 200sq ft apartment can feel a bit cramped (pun intended). In an effort to refrain from snapping at people, I kept my distance most of the weekend. The emotional distance also helped keep a physical distance from all the bad-for-me food that the others consumed over the four days.

Unfortunately the emotional distance ended up taking a toll on everyone with one guest trying to push into my carefully delineated Alex-only territory. Yesterday she decided to cook – paying us back for our hospitality. And even though I'd explained my dietary restrictions several times over the weekend, lunch ended up having garlic and pepper in it (Raul managed to stop her using white wine). Given the tension in the apartment, I decided just to eat the food without a fuss. After all, the garlic was still in its skin only flavouring the food -  I wouldn't actually be eating the stuff directly. I'd be fine!

Wrong!

Yesterday afternoon my stomach started to rebel and I got a wicked headache. I went to bed at 9:30 and slept almost ten hours. Today I feel like I have a stomach bug and I'm majorly regretting my I-so-nice-of-course-I'll-eat-your-food-that-is-bad-for-me Britishness.

Someday Lessons:

• Health issues supersede politeness every time.
• Listen to your gut (pun intended again). It knows what's good for you.

On The Way to Work

I hope I'll never take my commute to work for granted.

Today I walked along the water's edge, clambered over seaweed covered rocks, dodged the incoming tide and lay on the beach in the sun for an hour listening to the Decemberists (The Crane Wife) before I went to teach class.

Can it get any better than that?

Someday Lessons:

• Even the most wonderful things become commonplace with enough repetition.
• Don't take the good things in life for granted. Stay in the moment and savour everything.

A Cat in the Sun

I know I'm supposed to only use the bed for sleeping (and of course... no I won't say more - this is a family-friendly blog). Unfortunately, with my weird heartburn symptoms, I've pretty much lived in the bed for the past two weeks, which has played total havoc with my sleeping patterns.

I go to sleep not tired. I wake up in the middle of the night. I sometimes go sleep on our tiny sofa just for a change of scenery. And I always wake up stiff and exhausted.

Normally I refuse to nap during the day (to try to be more tired when I go to bed) but today I couldn't resist. The sun was shining for the first time in a while and there was some real heat in the air, so I took a towel and my MP3 player out to the terrace and napped in the sun for an hour.

I then went into work feeling rested plus I got a great start on my summer tan.

Someday Lessons:

• No cure is ever without its side effects.
• Sunshine makes me happy.

Why Don't I Have Healing Powers?

With the help of medication and a bland diet, I'm beginning to feel better. I can still taste stomach acid, but it's not so all-consuming like last week. Unfortunately Raul is still sick with laryngitis. He's been at home for a week now and bored out of his tree.

As a problem-solving person, I want to DO something to make him feel better. Of course I can't. I can only do things to make him feel more comfortable. I make sure he's warm. I feed him fresh crepes with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. And of course I give him lots of hugs and kisses.

Through all this, I feel like I'm not doing everything I can. I should be able to fix this. Everything should be fixable. And I take it as a personal offense that it's not.

Someday Lessons:

• Don't beat yourself about things that you don't have the power to change.
• Learn to accept that sometimes you can't do anything to help others.

More Detox (Not Fun)

I discovered this week that I needed to detox from the high-fat diet I'd been consuming recently. What does that mean?

Pain, messed up sleep patterns, random emotions jumping out at any moment, and a general feeling of disconnectedness.

I can only hope this passes more quickly than the last detox two months ago.

Someday Lessons:

• Life is spiral: things repeat, but never in quite the same way.
• Sometimes you just need to wait out the storm, trying to stay as dry and warm as possible.

More About Alex

Every once in a while I get an email from someone with a list of questions with a request to answer them, then send the list out to everyone you know and copy the sender.

Most of the time I ignore them, but this last one (from my fourth-cousin once-removed) I'm posting here so that everyone can get to know me a little better.

Enjoy!

Someday Lessons:

• No one ever knows everything about someone.
• If you want to be truly happy, share your life and thoughts with others.

Uninspiring Morning Thoughts

Last week I said that I would pay attention to what were my first thoughts each morning and see how they affected my day. Contrary to what I thought would happen, my initial thoughts weren't influenced by the decision to monitor them – they were as mundane and non-inspiring as anything (except for last Tuesday).

My morning thoughts tend to fall into one of three categories:

1. Hola mi amor – to Raul if he wakes me up.
2. I'm bursting! - when my bladder is super-full.
3. I'm so tired – when I haven't exercised the day before and therefore not slept well.

This week I'm going to monitor what I think about just before going to bed, since my father said that's when he thinks happy thoughts about breakfast the next morning. Maybe the thoughts will be more interesting or inspiring.

Someday Lessons:

• Experiments often don't turn out as we expect.
• Keep your mind open and accept the unexpected.

Speaking Different Languages

Tick, tick, tick… What's that you hear? Something waiting to explode? Oh, that's just a tired Alex mixed with a tired Raul.

Last night we stayed up until after 2am watching the season premiere of Spanish Pop Idol (www.OperacionTriunfo.com), so slept only four and a half hours. When we have too little sleep, Raul gets aggressive and I get defensive (can't you just hear the bomb ticking?).

Needless to say, midmorning we tripped the detonator despite Raul thinking that he was holding back much of his aggressiveness and me certain that I had destroyed my super-sensitive ego.

The problem? We talk too much. We said much more than was necessary and ended up covered in the debris of a miscommunication and hurt feeling bomb. Fortunately the bomb was small and we cleaned things up quickly.

Someday Lessons:

• Relationships require much patience on both sides.
• Good communication skills include knowing when to shut up.

Starting the Day

My father wakes up every morning thinking "Oh goodie! Another day!"

I have no idea what I think when I wake up, so this week I will try an experiment. Each day when I wake up I will write down the first thing that comes through my head.

Of course likely the first thing in my head will be: "where's my pen and paper?" or: "what was that thought I just had?" so the whole experiment might be a waste of time.

I guess I'll find out!

Someday Lessons:

• Do you look forward to each day or do you drag yourself out of bed?
• How you start your day sets the stage for the whole day.

A Really Fun Friday

Today I did a small writing marathon and got a lot accomplished. I wrote for 20 minutes, then did something else (like watch TV, do dishes, eat breakfast, etc...) for ten minutes, 20 minutes writing, 10 minutes other. I did this from 8:30 to 2pm and got a lot more accomplished than normal.

After spending some time with Raul, I walked to work and marveled at my new city. I live on a BEACH! Yes, my walk to work included strolling along the edge of the beach in the spring sun. I mean, can a work commute get any better than that?

And now Raul and I are going out to his favourite restaurant in the city to celebrate the launch of OrganizingConnection.com and the completion of a thoroughly enjoyable and rewarding project.

Someday Lessons:

• Remember to celebrate the little things as well as the big ones.
• Don't let yourself grow blinders to what's around you – be a tourist in your own city.

P.S. Thank you to Cynthia from the Thoughtful Consumer for her kind words about this blog.

A Proud Parent

I know know what parents must feel like when they see their children grow. You think you've raised your kids a certain way but then suddenly they're independent being with their own opinions, influenced and shaped by things over which you have no control. You're full of pride, but you also feel a bit stunned – “How did that come from me?”

Today www.OrganizingConnection.com launched, which means the scripts I've been working on for the last two months have premiered as well. I've read enough scripts of TV shows and movies that I've seen to know that a script often has only a passing relationship with the final product. Fortunately this is not the case with Organizing Connection. Yes, after an edit by the site owners and a comedian, the filming, and the editing what people see differs from what I wrote, but I can see the original work their underlying the whole structure. It's especially exciting when I see my words coming out of an actor's mouth.

As for the site itself? Info-rich, gorgeous colours and super easy to navigate.

 

I encourage you all to visit the site, take a look around using the free membership they offer. Once you're hooked, I know you'll want to buy a subscription and continue to watch my scripts comes to life month after month.

Someday Lessons:

• When a strong creative team comes together, the results are spectacular.
• As always, remember to celebrate and share your successes.

My Wonderfully Silly Man

I go to bed most nights laughing. It's Raul's fault. You see, I have this teddy bear (named Notae – he's from the former Canadian department store Eaton's) and he's the perfect size to slip under my shoulder when I'm sleeping on my stomach (he keeps the shoulder from hurting). In other words, yes, I still sleep with a stuffed animal.

Raul, however, thinks it's quite fun to move Notae about the room. For example, one night the bear was hanging upside down from the curtain rod. I asked Raul if Notae was being a gymast. “No,” Raul said, “he thinks he's a bat.” Last night Notae was sitting on his head, perched on the edge of the bookshelf: “he's doing yoga and meditating” Raul told me.

Someday Lessons:

• There's no better way to end the day than falling asleep with a smile on your face.
• Let yourself be silly – get creative with your surroundings.

Wandering Through the Past

I have another blog-life outside of this one. I use it to practice my Spanish. It's called Fotolog. Raul introduced it to me. Each day we post a photo and add text to explain or enhance the photo (My Flog, Raul's Flog)

Today, Raul talked about Bananarama which reminded me of their first success in Canada: Shy Boy. This song, along with Rough Trade's High School Confidential and The B-52s Rock Lobster, introduced me to New Wave.

As you can tell by the choice of songs that my introduction to New Wave came about at the same time as I started to realize that I was more than a bit different from the rest of my classmates - that perhaps I might be gay.

Many kids would have hid their love of these songs, but not me. I knew being a fan of Shy Boy would likely get me beaten up, but it never occurred to me to hide it. People's reactions were their problems. I knew grade school would end eventually and I'd find others who "liked the same music as me."

Thanks for reminding me of my youthful inner strength, Raul!

Someday Lessons:

• Look back through your life and celebrate the moments you showed more strength than you thought you had.
• What was one of your self-defining moments from childhood?

YouTube Videos

• Bananarama: Shy Boy
• Rough Trade: High School Confidential
• B-52s: Rock Lobster

Monday Morning Blahs

After a fantastic early spring, normal weather for San Sebastian – rain, hail, and bone chilling cold – has returned. I went to bed last night nicely bundled up, but we didn't turn on the radiator. I ended up with a warm body and a cold head. By 3am, my sinuses started protesting and by 8am when I woke up, I was officially sick.

Raul made me breakfast and put the radiator right beside me on the sofa.

I'm going to take it easy today, and that includes no Someday Lessons. When we're sick, pampering is a good thing.

An (Almost) Middle-Aged Kid

Today we crossed the border into France. We went to Hendaye and walked along the cliffs above the Beach of the Two Twins. The wind picked up, promising horrific weather later, but at that moment, the cold air and the wind was invigorating.

I ran. I skipped. I did cartwheels. And I hugged Raul a lot.

Someday Lesson:

• Purposefully forget how old you are. Let yourself play like a kid.

Information Fraud

So, last week my cousin in France sent me a message saying that I had a registered letter from the Spanish government. I assumed it was a confirmation of my destruction of Fleur, so told her to open it and if it was anything important to let me know. She had someone locally translate it (because of course it was in Spanish) and told me it was a fine for speeding.

I got her husband to scan and email the documents and it turned out not to be my car. I asked Raul to look it over and not only wasn't it my car, but someone had declared that I was the driver of their car when the photo radar snapped the picture. Me driving a Citroen at 4:45 in the morning? The only way you'd catch me driving at that hour would be if I wanted to fall asleep at the wheel. That's way too late (or early) for me to be functioning.

This morning Raul and I went to the local traffic office where they told us that we had to write a letter to Province of Bizkaia because that's where the fine originated. We had to ask for a copy of the original fine to figure out who the hijo de puta who named me was and we had to declare that I had no idea who the owner of this Citroen was.

One of the office workers suggested that I pay the fine anyway and then wait for a refund, but fortunately her coworker told us not to, which was good because there was no frickin' way that I would have paid that fine.

So now I'm at a loss for how this unknown person got ahold of my French driver's license information. Here in Spain, the only people who have that information are the police (from my accident at the beginning of February) and the free WIFI service at the local mall (I had to show ID and they used my info on my DL for the account information).

I guess it's now up to the owner of the car to prove that he or she knows me and that I was driving that night.

The whole fine thing doesn't bother, but the whole invasion of privacy does bother me. How the frick did this person get my info?

Someday Lessons:

• Even when you are careful with your private information, it can be used by others.
• It pisses me off that the actions of others can so easily disrupt my life.

Why I Love My Boyfriend

Last night Raul said to me: “You always forget to put water in the dishes. It takes just a second and it makes washing the dishes later much easier.”* He was right, but I didn't say so. Instead I went on the defensive. I came up with excuses as to why I'd forgotten this time when the reality was yes, I had simply forgotten to do so. We worked it out, but only after experiencing irritation on both sides.

Then this morning Raul left his breakfast dishes sitting out, the milk and cereal drying in them. I sent him a very polite message saying that if he was going to ask something of me that he should be willing to do the same, or he'd really piss me off.

He texted me back right away saying: “You're totally right. I'm sorry.”**

No defensiveness, no excuses. A simple agreement and an apology.

I can learn a lot from this man.

Someday Lessons:

• When someone suggests something, don't dismiss it or get defensive. They might just be right.
• We all hate to be wrong, but life goes much more smoothly when we're big enough to admit to our faults.

* In Spanish.
** Also in Spanish.

Blatant Self-Promotion Day

Since the beginning of February, I've been working on a writing project for fellow organizers Elaine Shannon and Kim Eagles. They are in the process of building a social networking website designed around organizing. It's for those who don't have time or the resources to hire a Professional Organizer but want to get more out of life.

The site will include videos, worksheets, teleclasses, product and book recommendations, and discussion forums. Elaine and Kim hired me to co-write the scripts for the videos as well as develop the worksheets and website content.

This is the first time in my life that I'm getting paid to write and I couldn't be happier. Every day when I wake up, I'm eager to get writing. This eagerness spills over into my fiction writing and I've become a total writing machine.

The site, called The Organizing Connection, goes live April 2nd, but in the meantime, take a look at the teaser video, and tell me – is this you?

Someday Lessons:

• If you aren't your biggest fan, how can you expect others to be?
• When you do what you love, life becomes incredibly sweet.

Soaking in Hot Sea Water

Tomorrow Raúl and I are going to San Sebastian's thermal baths. You have absolutely no clue how much I'm looking forward to the visit.

This week I started taking Caprylic Acid pills. It's an anti-fungal. The pills accelerate the die-off of the Candida. Unfortunately die-off produces a lot of pain. Think of it. My body is now full of dying yeast. As it dies, it releases toxins. Toxins produce pain.

Coming home from work, I have to climb about 100 steps, a very steep hill and then the six flights of stairs. Yesterday I was okay on the 100 steps. The steep hill exhausted me and the six flights of stairs nearly made me weep.

The last time I went through this (nearly five years ago), I would feel better by having a nice hot bath. Since our bathroom is only four feet wide and we only have a shower, I can't do that in our Txikihome.

So several hours in thermal baths – yeah I need that right now.

Someday Lessons:

• The road to happiness can detour through pain sometimes. Stay the course.
• When going through a rough patch, find little things to keep your spirits up.

The Fog Begins to Clear

Last week I started an anti-yeast diet. Today I finally feel good. Last week I was cranky, irritable, judgmental, and hurt everywhere. Thinking was difficult and I felt there were wads of cotton between me and the world. Today my mind is clear and my body is (mostly) pain-free.

The sugar cravings drove me crazy. They still do, actually, but having gone through the worst of the detox symptoms, I'm not about to give in and have to start all over!

I'm through the worst but staying on the diet won't be easy. Temptations abound! Fortunately as I continue to feel better, the cravings will fade. They'll never go away, though. Over the years I've conditioned my body to like certain things, like bread and cheese and sugar. I'll always crave them and for the rest of my life I'll have to monitor and moderate their intake.

Someday Lessons:

• Gratification and happiness are two different things.
• Happiness is not automatic – it takes vigilance to maintain it.

Surround Yourself With Happy People

We are defined by our friends. If our friends complain all the time, or judge people, or are just generally negative people, chances are you are too. You might want to be more positive, to be less judgmental, but if that's all you hear from others, it's difficult to do anything else yourself.

It could be as simple as moving your desk at work away from the coworker who never has anything nice to say. Or you might have to divorce yourself from a friend or two.

Before you do, talk to them. Explain what you feel when you are together. Ask them if they understand and if they would like help being more positive. Unfortunately, many negative people will see this type of conversation as an attack, so the divorce may be inevitable.

It's difficult to do this with family members. A literal divorce might be necessary, or a careful distancing from a negative sibling or parent. Don't, however, withdraw from your kids. Children usually need a hug right when they're being their most negative.

Someday Lessons:

• What do your friendships say about you? Are they positive or negative?
• Monkey see, monkey do. What do look at every day?

You're Not As Happy As You Could Be

I don't mean superficially happy, like “I'd be happier if Bones came back on the air soon,” or “I'd be happier if I got the mirror in the bedroom hung.” I mean soul-deep happiness. I mean the happiness that Gretchen Rubin talks about in The Happiness Project.

Right now I've never been happier in my entire life, and yet I'm not has happy as I want to be.

I would be happier if I were published. I would be happier if I didn't have to worry about my diet and resulting pain when I ignore it. I would be happier if I could support myself purely from writing fiction.

Those are concrete things. They are things I can works towards. Do you know what would make you happier? Most people don't. Most people go through life comfortably unhappy or merely content. Most people think that true happiness is beyond them, that it's for idealists who don't live in the real world.

Are you one of those people?

Someday Lessons:

• What would make you truly happy? Do you know?
• Don't live a comfortable life. Strive for a happy one.

Pain Is Not Fun

It's time for a cleanse.

In 1994, I was misdiagnosed with fibromyalgia. For nine years, I lived in constant pain, with energy levels what fluctuated from Superman-high to corpse-low. Then in 2003 I went on an anti-yeast diet and was pain-free within three weeks. I didn't last on the diet the full year that I was supposed to do, so I didn't totally get rid of the yeast overload. Instead I have to manage it.

Spanish people love their sweets, especially bread-like sweets. So do I. Plus I have a bit of a cheese addiction.

I've started waking up sore, and my energy levels have been making me a bit manic – super happy one day, super low the next. Before things get too bad, I'm going to go back on the restricted diet and buy myself some anti-fungals from the health store.

The only question is how much willpower do I actually have and how long will I be able to last?

Someday Lessons:

• Something that provides short-term happiness (sweets) might deny long-term happiness (being pain-free).
• What are you willing to give up to achieve long-term happiness?

Spring Has Sprung

And I couldn't be happier...

Someday Lessons:

• Take time to enjoy the beauty around you.
• Celebrate things that make you happy.

A Weekend Apart

Raúl flew to Madrid and I'm organizing the apartment.

Yes, that's my plan for the weekend. Not that I chose that over Madrid. I'm not that weird. Raúl went to Madrid with a friend. It's something they do a few times a year normally.

When he was planning the trip, he asked if I minded.

“Why would I mind?” I replied (in Spanish of course).

Worry, jealousy and fear were his answers.

That launched us into a monogamy conversation. We both say we believe in it and we trust each other. So...

Worry, jealousy and fear went out the window.

Plus I've been so busy recently, the idea of partying until six in the morning does not interest me at all (although I did stay up until two last night writing).

Someday Lessons:

• It's okay, quite healthy even, for couples to do things separately.
• Without trust, happiness is impossible.

I Couldn't Do It

After four years away from a job-job, I couldn't stand working for someone else.

Last Thursday I decided that I would quit my job and go back to being self-employed. I didn't change my entire life to go back to doing something that I don't want to do.

Then Friday this decision was advanced because I spun out on the highway and damaged Fleur. I'm fine and the car is drivable, but not on highways. And since I can't drive to work, I have to quit.

Fortunately I've already found a website writing contract that'll cover the basics and I'm actually looking forward to rebuilding my business. This time I'll know exactly what I want and how to go about getting it.

Someday Lessons:

• Life can end at any moment. Are you living the life you want?
• Pursuing happiness needs constant vigilance against backsliding into fear-driven actions.

Ooh! Sparkly!

Yesterday my hairdresser did something new. He put a blue rinse in my hair!

That's right. I'm a blue rinser.

The hairdresser told me that the rinse was to take the build up off my grey. Now, I knew I have grey hair, but I didn't realize just how much!

And wow, did it ever make a difference! My hair really sparkles now.

Just in time for Carnavales...

Someday Lessons:

• We are all getting older – celebrate it.
• See change as something to enjoy not dread or fear.

P.S. He also trimmed my ear hair but I refuse to celebrate that.

Freeing the Inner Diva

After all the recent travel, Raul and I decided to do nothing this weekend. Yesterday we didn't even get out of our pyjamas. It was a great day (then again, any day spent with Raul is a great one).

We cleaned a little, organized a little, cooked a lot and spent a several hours playing Singstar (karaoke for Play Station 2).

Now, I can't sing very well. I sing in the car and I sing with my sister songs that I've been singing since I was a little kid. But Singstar requires that you sing the RIGHT notes. Fortunately there are enough songs from the 80s and 90s that I know well, so I don't totally embarrass myself.

Ah, hell, who am I kidding – I completely and utterly embarrass myself. Raul almost always wins (yes it's competitive karaoke), but I don't care. It's great fun belting out tunes while standing in the living room in my pyjamas.

Because if I can't be foolish with Raul, when can I be?

Someday Lessons:

• Just because you're bad at something, it doesn't mean you can't do it anyway.
• This week make a commitment to do something foolish that would normally embarrass you.

Rules? What Rules?

I made up a cake recipe today.

I know, I'm not supposed to do that. Baking is a science, chemistry. Experimenting doesn't work.

And yes, the cake was too wet, so I guess it was a failure. But it tastes great. I think the sogginess comes from the spelt flour, which is wetter than wheat flour.

Actually, I should say that I made up a muffin recipe because the dry parts were more muffin-like in texture.

I'll try it again tomorrow. I'll get the balance right at some point.

Someday Lessons:

• Don't worry about doing something wrong. How else will you learn?
• Have confidence and have fun experimenting.

(recipe after the jump)

Alex the Ass

On Saturday night, we had people over for dinner and the combination of steak and wine did not sit well with me. I ended up napping before we went out to watch the wandering drummers for the San Sebastian festival.

I made the mistake of thinking it was warmer so wore only a light hoodie.

Once at our first destination, I found out the purpose of the night: to wander from bar to bar outside as we followed a group of men dressed in military garb or chef's outfits play the same five songs over and over.

I wasn't having any of it. I pronounced the whole thing ridiculous. I announced that Canadians don't have traditions like this then emotionally, intellectually and (later) physically removed myself from the event.

At 2am, cold, tired and with a very upset stomach, I went home.

In my self-absorbed pompous state, I completely forgot that to people from San Sebastian, this night is one of the most important of the year. It's the day they celebrate their city.

Normally I would have gotten right into it as the boyfriend of another friend did, but no. I decided to be a pretentious jerk and proceeded to offend everyone around me.

It took Raul two days to forgive me.

Someday Lessons:

• The fastest way to hurt someone is to stay inside your own opinion.
• A bad attitude makes for really bad experiences.

Twenty-One Reasons to Feel Homesick

• Six piece sherry set from 1957
• Five watercolours painted by Dad
• Four stuffed animals from my childhood
• Three piggy banks from my former collection
• Two fancy (i.e., professional and sharp) kitchen knives
• One quilt hand-stitched by Mom made with childhood shirts.

Someday Lessons:

• Things that make you happy can also make you sad.
• Things ties us to places. Take the things from the place and we disconnect from it.

A Return to France

You guessed it, another Friday, another trip.

This time we're visiting friends/family in Sauveterre (my old village in France for those newer to the blog).

When we come back tomorrow, I'll have all the rest my stuff that I want from my old apartment to finish setting up our txikihome.

One more trip to France will be required when the weather's a little better to take the furniture I don't need to Emmaüs, a charity shop in Pau.

A Visit Inside Alex

The birth of Spanish-Alex approaches. This morning I picked up my social security number. Later today I sign my work contract and next week I have an appointment for my residency card. Every Alex inside me is eager to welcome this new addition to the pack.

Speaking of happiness, Writer-Alex is distressed because he can't describe how happy we all are right now.

One other Alex is complaining too: Enviro-Alex. My job (teaching English in businesses) requires that I drive a lot, about 1000km a week. Enviro-Alex rails against this but Negotiator-Alex has  soothed him by promising to donate a portion of our earnings to an environmental group. And when Financial-Alex says it's okay, we'll buy a more environmental-friendly car.

Someday Lessons:

• Sometimes compromises are necessary – just make sure it's not too much.
• Take stock of the various yous periodically. Is everyone happy?

Bringing the Fun In

I love watching people do what they love doing. On Friday last week, we went into Bilbao to see Fangoria in concert. Alaska (the lead singer) is a spectacular performer. Unlike the Spice Girls or Madonna, Alaska doesn't rely on big budgets to put on a good show.

And to be honest, although she can sing, Alaska does not have the voice of Sade. Fangoria cannot draw crowds solely to watch Alaska stand in the middle of an empty stage and sing.

Alaska and Fangoria draw crowds because they have fun. Raul's seen them four times in the past twelve months, on the same tour singing the same songs. And why so often? Because Alaska is infectious. You want to be around her. She has fun on stage and surrounds herself with other performers who like to have fun.

And who wouldn't want to be a part of that?

Someday Lessons:

• Do what you enjoy most and you'll draw other positive people to you.
• Having fun is a choice. What choice are you making?

Bilbao Bound

Guess what? Yes, it's Friday and we're going somewhere yet again.

This time, it's only an hour away, Bilbao. We're going to see the Spanish avant guard band Fangoria in concert. And while we're there, we'll also hit IKEA again for those things we can't live without.

Sunday we'll spend some time alone in our txikihome, relaxing.

Someday Lessons:

• IKEA is a dangerous place. It's too easy to spend too much there.
• Weekends are for having fun. What are you doing this weekend?

Happy New Year

How fitting that New Year's Day falls on a Lazy Tuesday. We were out drinking and dancing until the not-so-wee hours of the morning.

Today is a day to do nothing but cuddle in bed with Raul.

Someday Lessons:

• Some culture (can't remember which) has the saying: How you start the year is how you continue it.
• Choose your activities today carefully.

What the Spice Girls Taught Me

At the Spice Girls concert in Madrid last Sunday, Raúl and I went our separate ways.

Raúl went to the floor. I went to the stands. No way was I going to spend the entire concert fighting with a bunch of screaming fans just for the space to breathe and Raúl wasn´t going to waste his concert ticket a million miles away from the stage.

With kisses and good wishes we separated. Using cell phones and much waving, we found each other and spent the time waiting for the concert to start blowing kisses and sending each other text messages.

We each experienced the concert we wanted and when we got back together at the end of the concert we had a different viewpoint to share. It was like being at two concerts instead of just one.

Someday Lessons:

• Happiness means different things to everyone; don´t expect others to follow your happiness path.
• Confidence is letting your love do his (or her) own thing while you do yours (and then sharing it later).

P.S. Raúl did give up his chosen locale to watch the encores with me in stands (he even arrived with a bottle of water for me).

Another Friday, Another Trip

This time we're going to Madrid for three days where we'll see about a dozen of Raul's friends from all over Spain, and we'll see the Spice Girls concert.

Don't know if I'll post on Monday or Tuesday, but I'll definitely be back by Wednesday.

Happy Holidays Everyone!
(even if you don't celebrate anything)

And It All Comes Together

I have work!

It's not yet a job, but tomorrow I'm working for two hours.

Today I had an interview at a language school. The director asked me to come back in January to conduct a class so that he can examine my teaching skills. If he likes what he sees he will likely offer me a contract.

Of course I'm going to knock his socks off.

He also told me that if I was willing to take whatever was offered at first, he'd make sure he would offer me more later.

Of course I said yes.

On my way home from the interview I got a call from one of the school's campuses asking me if I was available to substitute for two hours tomorrow (at 7:30 and a 4:00).

Of course I'm going to do it.

My worrying and whining in November were for naught. A day after classes ended, we found an apartment. Within a week I was offered work with a good chance of a job soon.

And I'm so happy that my fears were proved wrong.

Someday Lessons:

• A little bit of fear motivates; too much paralyzes.
• When things are going well be properly grateful.

Have You Seen My Serenity?

I've lost it. Last year, while in France, I carefully cultivated an even temper. Bad things happened, good things happened, but I stayed calm the entire time.

But now, I'm having trouble adapting. I'm swinging from extreme highs to extreme lows.

This weekend, Raul and I spent four fantastic days in a few Moorish cities. Raul wanted to show them to me because he wanted to share more of his life and his loves. I, however, by the end of the weekend had a wicked crying fit. Two of Raul's friends joined us and as much as I enjoy being with people, it drives me nuts that I can't contribute, and not just because of the language barrier. I don't get cultural references either.

And I hate not knowing things.

Fortunately I didn't let my bad mood get in the way of enjoying the weekend.

No Lessons today. I'm on sinus medication and it's making me dizzier than I usually am.

Not Here

You've reached the blog of Alex Fayle. He's not in at the moment as he is traveling to his boyfriend's favourite village in Spain, near Teruel.

Please leave your message in the comment field and he will answer you as soon as he can.

Getting My Groove Back

Earlier this year, I decided to abandon my daily blogging exercise of picking a topic from a predetermined batch and making myself writing on that topic. I felt that I could still produce a good blog with less structure.

I was wrong. I'm far too lazy to let posts come naturally.

So, this week I'm following the lead of some of my favourite blogs (The Happiness Project and The Psychology of Clutter) by creating theme days.

Happy Mondays will look back to weekend or forward to the week ahead at something that made/will make me happy,
Lazy Tuesdays will focus on some part of my life where I'm procrastinating,
Wonder Wednesdays is a double topic, where I'll either look at the world with a sense wonder, or I'll question some way of thinking/acting in my life or the lives of people around me,
Random Thursdays are necessary because I can't live my life totally structured; and
Fun Fridays will cover what fun thing(s) I have planned for the weekend.

I'm giving myself Saturdays and Sundays off from the blog.

Of course, every post will continue to include Someday Lessons, forcing us all to look at life with a bit of self-awareness.

And why is this post a Happy Monday? Because putting some structure back into my blogging makes me very happy.

Someday Lessons:

• You may think you're ready to quit doing something when really you just need to change it up a bit.
• Don't rely on enthusiasm to carry you through the long haul—often enforced structure is necessary.

Comprehending the Pattern

This weekend, Raul and I created my Spanish resume (quite different from a Canadian one). Raul was really nice by sitting at the keyboard attempting to translate Canadian schooling and work experience into something Spanish employers might understand. I, on the other hand, was being kind of difficult.

I kept questioning what he was doing and why. I just didn't grasp what was required. We spent half an hour on just my education, discussing the translation with a bit of heat in our voices. Finally I asked to take over. I needed to look at the example of the Spanish resume, figure out the pattern, and set up a template.

Raul's at least as much of a control freak as I am, so it was a tense moment. He understood why I needed to take control, but it was hard for him to give it up. Fortunately, once I comprehend a pattern I no longer need to control a situation. Pattern understood, I handed the keyboard back to him.

We finished the resume in about ten minutes.

Someday Lessons:

• Arguments arise usually from a lack of comprehension on the part of at least one of the parties.
• Defuse an argument by stepping outside the topic, looking at what is making you uncomfortable, and asking for what you need to make you comfortable again.

Cranky Pants Strikes Again

Yesterday, I discovered a new place to walk that reminds me of my Sauveterre walks, and Raul and I were invited were invited to a friend's for dinner. I made hazelnut-flour crepes and butterscotch sauce. I even understood most of the conversation at dinner!

All in all a great day.

So then why did I start today in a foul mood?

I blame Spanish eating time. We arrived for dinner at 9:30pm, ate from 11pm to shortly after midnight and were in bed by just before 1am.

My dreams were serious messed up, I tossed and turned all night and then once Raul got out of bed I couldn't sleep any more, so got out of bed as soon as he left.

Fortunately, as the day progressed my mood improved. It was helped by doing well on a test, making a yummy potato and cheese tortilla (a big omelette), editing a big chunk more of my book, and spending doing-nothing time with Raul.

Someday Lessons:

• Rich food eaten late and an early morning wake up are a bad combination.
• Take responsibility for a bad mood; don't inflict it on others.

Back to Walking

Walking is most awesome exercise ever! I put on my MP3 player, pick a direction, and go. As I´ve said before, walking makes me happy. Plus my subconscious works on writing challenges while I walk.

San Sebastián is small enough that I can cover a good chunk of it in an hour and a half walk. It´s also a hilly city, so I get a good workout.

Monday I went to the port to the east of the city, Pasajes. Yesterday I went west through the city, across the beach and up around the back of the city to Raúl´s place.

San Sebastián is a city of walkers. If you go downtown in the afternoon, it´s filled with people walking about. Most of these people are strolling, however. Raúl thinks my fast cardio walking is totally weird. Life in Spain is too relaxed for power walking.

There are a lot of joggers though. They understand jogging. Jogging is laid-back running.

But I prefer walking. Jogging hurts, which means I´m probably doing it wrong. The way my shoulders bounce as I jog causes no end of back pain. Perhaps one of my jogging siblings can tell me what I´m doing wrong.

Or maybe I´ll just stick to walking.

Someday Lessons:

• If something makes you happy, find a way to keep it in your life.
• Be open to new activities, but don´t give up cherished ones because no one else does them.

Worries & Whines

Worry One: Apartment Hunting
Apartments in San Sebastian are EXPENSIVE. Plus, landlords want to know that their tenants are solvent, which means proving that you have a stable job. Raul can do that. I can't. Will that screw up our chances of finding a place?

Worry Two: Finding a Job
If finding an apartment means finding a job first, then maybe I should be looking for December and get something that is in the afternoons so that I can continue classes in the mornings. It will mean little sleep for a bit and no time for myself, but earning a living is kinda important. But will anyone hire me?

Whine One: The New Flat
UGH! It's a 70s affair, with heat in only the bathroom and kitchen. There's also: a fridge that doesn't really chill things, a shower that is so weak it doesn't rinse the soap from my hair, and a mattress so soft I'm going to have to do like 1000 crunches a day just to keep my back from going out. And what am I paying for this lovely arrangement? The equivalent of abut $600 CDN a month. Lovely.

Whine Two: Ruining the Food Regime
This weekend I ate and drank, and ate and drank. I ate plenty of things that cause me pain (wheat/sugar) and drank beer and wine (which are also pain inducing). So this morning I'm achy, cranky and really not wanting to go to school (or do anything really).

At least things are good with Raul and I'm doing really well with my Spanish.

Someday Lessons:

• Life sucks for everyone sometimes. Today is my turn.
• A good wallow is a lot of fun.