Someday Syndrome

Thank You Trashy Television

I used to pity my ex because he didn't have high ambitions. Yet now I'm giving up ambition and am happier for it.

All my life I've dreamt of fame and money. I grew up being told I was quite smart (because I'm good at patterns and knew what my teachers wanted). I took that knowledge and pressured myself to be great in the eyes of others. I felt that if I never revealed my "genius," I would completely waste my life.

In a recent episode of Courtney Cox's Dirt, someone gives up something she loves because of her Buddhist beliefs. It got me thinking about desire and how wanting can interfere with happiness and satisfaction.

I constantly strive for things I don't have. If I'm going to do something then I need to be the best at it. In doing so I set myself up for disappointment – not because I don't reach these goals, but because I don't live in the moment. I've always lived in a time when my ambitions have been met and I'm rich and/or famous. And that has only highlighted what I don't have now.

I can, however, simply live. Take my writing for example. In the past, being a writer meant being famous with books that live on forever. But if I take out the desire (the ambition to be a famous author) and simply write because I enjoy it and because I want to share it with others, then I take off the pressure, I erase the desire that blocks success.

I've destroyed my ambitions and have become more successful because of that. The success comes from living the life I love each day.

And so I told my ex that maybe he has the right idea. We don't need to know what tomorrow or next month or next year will bring. All we need to care about is making the most of today.

Someday Lessons:

• Ambition can be an obstacle not a path to personal success.
• Redefine your idea of success, and make satisfaction and happiness more achievable.

When Did I Actually Grow Up?

Last time I met someone in Barcelona, I needed him to be interested. When I created a future, I did so out of fear. I created a future where he liked me and we fell madly in love. It made me a valid person.

This time when I met someone in Barcelona, I'm simply happy that he is interested. There's no need and therefore no fear. I can create a future of us together, but it's only a possibility, a potentiality to be explored like all other possible futures.

It's the same action: me creating futures, but it's a different activity. The reasons behind the thoughts are different and the emotional results are different.

Someday Lessons:

• An action can have different results based entirely on the attitude going into the action.
• If you face the future without fear, it merely becomes a series of possibilities to be explored, with excitement.

Lone Wolf or House Cat?

I had a roommate who used to call me a puppy, a beagle puppy. All gangly limbs and ears, ready to lick anyone or anything near me. Oh, and easily distracted by new smells.

Smells=Men in this instance.

And because I was a beagle puppy, I'd put my nose to the ground, latch onto the smell and follow it, not noticing the truck about to run me over. But this puppy self was also part cat. I had many lives. After getting run over, I'd pick myself up, find a new smell and head off again under the wheels of the next truck.

This roommate told me I should be a lone wolf, sexy and aloof. But I could never see that for me. I'm just not that loner-guy cool.

No, as I've aged (matured?), I've become more house cat. Affection and attention are great, when I want them. I still pretend to be a wild beast stalking imaginary prey, but really life is rather cushy.

But the most cat-like thing about myself right now is my desire to be alone. Not Greta Garbo reclusive alone, just self-sufficient me time alone.

I move through the world content with myself, but I still get to enjoy an occasional good scratch behind the ear.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a blank spot on the wall that needs staring at.

Someday Lessons:

• Unfocused optimism is useless.
• Don't let others decide who you are.

Middle of a Hair Crisis

My hair has no purpose. It's no longer me. It's got to go.

I have dreams where my hair is short. It's stylish. It's funky. It's classy. And it's professional. It's the hair of a hip, young-looking, late-30something artistic entrepreneur/writer.

That's not asking too much of hair, is it?

Tomorrow, I'm going to go get my hair cut. I've had mixed reactions to this news. "But long hair is your signature." and: "Nooooooo!!!!" In the other camp, I've had "Good for you. It'll be so freeing." and "Time to tame the mane, eh?"

Since having long hair, reasons for having it long have changed. When I started growing my hair, I wanted it long because I felt I needed to stand out from the crowd a bit. I needed a signature.

But life changes. I no longer need to be memorable in a group setting. I'm here writing, alone. Plus there are practical considerations. Like the lack of decent insulation in my apartment and not wanting to wander around with wet hair (and no, a blow dryer never goes near my hair unless it's being wielded by a professional).

Changing my hair also expresses a change in my energy. I'm not focused outwardly. I don't need the lion's mane to impress and woo. Of course, I'm still vain enough to want a damn fine (and sexy) hair cut. But I don't need to have a persona like I did when I was out drumming up business on a daily basis.

Also my life right now is about taking risks and stretching my comfort zone. My hair has been a great security blanket, especially as I settled in here. But I'm not Samson – I won't lose my strength by cutting it off.

Oh! And since this change is physical, I'm going to test out the video insertion capabilities of this blog tomorrow by posting a brief before and after discussion of my hair.

Someday Lessons:

• Don't make a decision once and expect the reasons for the decision to stay the same forever.
• Get rid of your security blanket, whatever it is. You don't need it.

Lunch Today:
A chickpea and avocado-based chicken salad.

Re-evaluating Email

Nothing stays the same, especially in the world of small business.

A colleague of mine recently announced the transition of a seven-year running email newsletter to a blog. I've change the format of my newsletter, using it to highlight my own new blog. And today I read a blog that says email marketing no longer works. This got me looking and found another example of the waning influence of email (I especially like the idea that email is going to become as "quaint" as fax and snail mail).

I've noticed it in how I relate to email and within Professional Organizers in Canada. Just two years ago an email to 120 people would generate about 80 responses. This year, the same email to 500 people generated only 35 responses.

I think it's because we've hit email overload. Next week, I'm going to meet up with my parents in Ireland for five days and I'm hoping I'll be able to connect to an Internet café at some point. Not because I can't live without email, but because I don't want my inbox to overflow with spam.

On average I receive close to 100 spam messages a day. I have filters that keep them out of my inbox, but I still have to review the spam folders, and that reduces the effectiveness and my interest in the legit emails. I've also unsubscribed from most email newsletters and barely browse the ones I do receive still.

So, what does this mean for my own newsletter? I'm not sure. Most people who read my blog come to it directly, which means someone's told them about it. It could be the newsletter that tells them, but the timing of my hit counts doesn't verify that. It's really like the 1970s shampoo commercial – good old word of mouth. "And they told two friends, and so on and so on and so on." Over 80% of the people who have visited my blog have done so directly, meaning they've been recommended to it.

I don't need to draw in clients right now, but I am still aware of the need to be top of mind. It won't do to let slip all the work I've done up to now to create recognition. My newsletter has always had the intent of informing people, providing assistance, but the business purpose of the newsletter was to draw in potential clients. Since I'm not actually seeking clients right now, I need to decide on my reasons for producing the newsletter.

Without an internal purpose, I'll neglect it, the quality will suffer and it (and I) will fall off people's radar.

The ultimate questions in this instance are: Will wanting to stay top of mind be enough to keep my newsletter interesting and read? And, why do I want people to remember me?

Someday Lessons:

• Be clear about your reasons for doing something or don't waste your energy on it.
• Always be willing to re-examine your actions for effectiveness and relevance.

Lunch Today:
Vegetables pakoras with eggplant, zucchini and onion made fresh for me at the weekly Salies de Béarn market.

What's Your Passion?

If you never do something, how interested in it are you?

I've mentioned this thought in my past two postings. It's key to figuring out what you want. When I was twelve, I had so many dreams. I wanted to open a restaurant. I wanted to teach school. I wanted to live in France and write. I wanted to act, to dance, to be a gymnast. And on and on.

It's like shopping. You might want a lot of new clothes, but considering budget and needs, you focus on one item and pursue it until you find it. I was at a mall recently because I need a new pair of pants (all four of my current ones are close to developing holes). Plus I need a thicker sweater and maybe a fall jacket. Oh and of course I'll not turn my nose up at a funky print button down.

The latest fashion here for pants is slim fit. That's fine for the 28-30 inch average waist size for Frenchman my height, but slim fit does not look good on stocky bodies. Thick thighs turn from sexy to sausagey in slim fit pants.

So no pants.

And I wasn't impressed with the other clothes – at least not enough to spend the money.

It's obvious that I'm much more interested in pants than other clothes. So now I don't waste time shopping; I focus my energy on the jeans, and don't worked up over finding other clothes. I was initially open to anything, but quickly drew my focus into the pants.

That's what my France dream is – the one dream that stuck with me and that fits so well. Just like that perfect pairs of pants will when I find them.

Someday Lessons:

1. Your natural enthusiasm and passion will draw together your focus from many wishes to one or two.
2. Be willing to test out different dreams until you find the one that best fits.

Lunch Today:
Butch Pasta Sauce on Rice (I'm not a big pasta fan).