Someday Syndrome

Right Guy, Wrong Time

The Rompot (romantic potential for those who've forgotten) is no more. He has some things going in his life and didn't want to start something until he clears them up. So, we're going to try the friend thing.

The news saddened me at first, but then I felt relief. Not because I don't like him – he's super sexy and way nice – but because I wasn't sure I should get into a relationship right now. I was willing to see where this went (see sexy and nice comment above), but fortunately (?) for both of us, we were in a "right guy, wrong time" situation. I say fortunately because no one really got hurt by the friends-only decision.

And why don't I want a relationship right now?

• I don't know where I want to end up.
• I want to make that decision for me, not because of someone else.
• I'm stretching my comfort zone around loneliness and I haven't found its limit yet.

Of course none of these reasons stops me from being open to romance entering my life. But when that happens, I'll know I'm making a conscious choice to be with him (whoever he is) and not just letting something happen without thought.

Someday Lessons:

• The right thing can come at the wrong time. Be prepared to let it go.
• Just because you are on one path, don't put blinders on and block the view of other avenues.

Picturing a Passion for Life

Yesterday I was asked by a colleague to write some notes for Hellen Buttigeig who was getting an award for her organizing show neat in Los Angeles tonight. Because I know Hellen better and because she's not able to attend the award dinner, he asked me to write about her accomplishments.

In doing so, I realized just how much a vision and a focused mind means for getting what you want. Hellen's talent and skill with clients have been major factors in her success, but really she created the success for herself through her vision. Ever since I met her through Professional Organizers in Canada, she's known what she's wanted.

She took the steps necessary to reach her goals. She's now an award-winning TV host, and a well-known public speaker. I have a lot of respect for her.

It's taken me a long time to realize what I wanted, to get that drive that Hellen's had for years. But now I understand. And as my novel advances (almost done the first draft!), my world is focusing in on the goal of being published.

I picture it. I want it. I dream about it.

My lifestyle choices and my actions now all relate to living the life of an artist.

I've never been happier.

Someday Lessons:

• If you don't have a passion for what you want, you won't achieve it.
• When you have passion for something, everything seems easier.

Everything is a Choice

And every choice has an outcome. If you don't think about your choices, you get outcomes you don't want. And then you start saying that you HAVE to do things, that the world isn't fair, you hate your life and so on...

If your life sucks, you have the power to change it (see the P.S. below for exceptions).

Let's look at a renovation project. Say you start to renovate your bedroom, so move into your office. You get part of it done then stop. You feel guilty about it and continue to live in your office feeling like a failure.

What you don't realize is that you've made a choice. You've decided without thinking that the bedroom is not a priority. You have chosen to live in the office.

If you stop and think about it consciously, you might choose to finish the renovation, to move back into the bedroom unfinished (you actually kind of like the semi-demolished look), or you may continue to choose to live in the office for a variety of reasons. You don't have enough money saved to do the bedroom the way you want it. Maybe work is short term stressful and you don't have the energy for work and renovations.

Or you might realize that you prefer the office as a bedroom and vice versa. Then suddenly you whip through the renovations excited about the new office space.

Someday Lessons:

• Even if you don't consciously do it, you continually make decisions that affect your life.
• Don't blame yourself for unconscious decisions. Simply stop and make decisions to act or accept the situation.

P.S. Of course, there are some things that are thrust upon you and about which you have no choice (like an illness), but I've known many people who have been very sick and everything they do is a deliberate choice. At that point, they are forced to.

And then there are others who have disadvantages and systemic prejudice acting against them that severely limit their choices. To break out of these bonds is often more than they are capable of.

What Tyra Taught Me

I'm a total America's Next Top Model junkie. It's such great trash.

But then surprise! My guilty pleasure actually taught me something this week. (I know! What's with reality television having anything to do with reality?).

The season finale was down to three competitors: CariDee, Eugena & Melrose. Eugena was the first to go. Tyra Banks said that she just never showed how much she wanted to win. Even when asked directly, Eugena sounded unenthusiastic with her response. The other two throughout the series had not only enthusiastically declared how much they wanted to win they showed the judges their ambition.

Of the final two, if you look at straight competency, Melrose should have won. She worked harder than anyone else; she won more competitions and got more praise from the fashion industry than the others, and she produced consistent photos.

CariDee on the other hand, was a bit of a "loose canon" (as "fashion icon and living legend" Twiggy put it). In other words, she's unpredictable and a little crazy. And she wasn't consistent.

But CariDee won.

At first I thought it was just reality television – the crazy one wins because she's more "interesting." But then I realized there's a very good reason she won. She was herself throughout the entire competition.

Melrose, the perfectionist, was always there with a mask, presenting people with what she felt would help her win. You never felt she was being just herself. Of course perfectionists can rarely take off their perfect mask because if they do, they might show someone a flaw somewhere.

So, what did I learn? That to win, you don't have to be the best. You do have to have enthusiasm, really want it and be yourself, faults and all.

Someday Lessons:

• What do you want? Tell someone right now! Tell the cat if no one's around!
• Be yourself, your imperfect self. You'll go further in life that way.

Lunch Today:
A sandwich... nothing exciting: bread, cheese, avocado, peppers...

Ireland? M'eh!

I'm not in love with Ireland. I thought I would be. My roots are in Ireland. I grew up hearing about the country.

But it's just okay. Actually it's dirty. There is literally garbage everywhere. My parents and I took a drive up the west coast to see The Burren - a contradictory place of barrenness and lush plant life. And garbage. Looking over cliffs suspended above the ocean, I saw two bags of household garbage dropped onto a ledge. Ick!

As I write this entry in a park in the town of my grandfather's birth (Birr, County Offaly), I'm surrounded by discarded beer cans, milk containers, and cigarette packages. The bench I'm sitting on is more dirt than wood (good thing I'm wearing jeans!).

I'd not want to live in Ireland (for other than the it's-too-damp issue). I wonder if it's no coincidence that there are no Fayles left in Ireland. I've felt no connection to any of the places or people I've seen. Everyone is friendly enough, but it's all surface. I've yet to feel any real warmth from anyone.

As I said, I grew up hearing tales of Ireland, of the family and our homes here. My Scottish grandmother told stories of her Irish husband's aunts and their strength of spirit. He should tell me positive stories of being Protestant in the geographical centre of Catholic Ireland. My dad has also more recently talked about letters and maps recorded by previous generations.

All of which means nothing to me in terms of the place. I feel no soul-connection to Ireland, no heart-leaping the way I do in France or even in Wales to a lesser degree.

I've now done the visiting of the ancestors. I don't need to come back to Ireland.

Someday Lessons:

• Don't want something just because everyone thinks you should.
• Finding out what you want is often done by discovering what you don't want.

Lunch Today:
(Actually lunch yesterday as I'm posting a couple of entries at the same time) Cheese, bread and pate.

Actions Show Intentions

I don't want more letters after my name.

I have a hard enough time explaining what MISt stands for (Master of Information Studies – a mix of Library Science, Records Management and Computers).

I've been considering pursuing my CPO-CD for several years now (that's Certified Professional Organizer in Chronic Disorganization – meaning the physiological and psychological reasons for disorganization). Since I'm on this anti-someday kick, I thought now would be a good time to take the required telephone classes. I have the time for it. Not that I didn't have the time for the classes before, but something always got in the way (hmmm, should that have been a hint?).

I signed up for a recent teleclass that had a 2am-in-France start time. Not a big deal for me as I often wake up in the middle of the night wide awake. But that night, when the alarm sounded at 1:30am, I turned it off and went back to sleep.

No the action of someone who really wants his certification.

So what do I really want? Not my CPO-CD obviously. I just feel that I "should" have it as a good career move.

M'eh! I think I'll pass.

The evening of that missed class, I had stayed out late with my cousins discussing our lives. We covered shoulds, oughts and cannots but eventually got to needs and wants. If I wasn't allowed to write ever again, I'd want to die. And yet so many of us do just that – we shut off the creative side of ourselves so that we can get on with working, being a parent, cleaning the house, etcetera, etcetera. And then we use the excuse of "I'm too tired."

So today, I'm making a specific request for comments:

• Question 1: If there was nothing stopping you, what would you or do you do to be creative in a real and honest way? (For example, at 37 I'm never going to be a professional go-go dancer no matter how much I might fantasize about it.)
• Question 2: If you aren't doing that action, why not?

Someday Lessons:

1. If you never get around to doing something, how invested in it are you?
2. Don't let daily living shut off the creative side of you.

Lunch Today:
Spent last night out of town, so lunch today was a four-course meal including wine for under 12 euros each.