Someday Syndrome

Stolen Sense of Peace

Today someone stole Raul's wallet. It had no money, he noticed within an hour, and he canceled all his cards. There was absolutely no gain for the thief and yet Raul didn't find the wallet anywhere nearby, discarded for being useless.

The only outcome is inconvenience for Raul. He had to go to the police station and he had to call the bank. He'll have to take time off work to replace his national ID, health and social security cards. He will also have to spend a long time regaining a sense of security about the world.

All for nothing on the part of the thief who only takes away from the world and yet doesn't gain anything for himself.

Someday Lessons:

• What might seem like an easy win often turns out empty.
• Trust can be broken in the blink of an eye.

Don't Blame the Garlic

It turns out I can't blame my politeness and the overly-garlicked food from the weekend. I have a stomach bug and therefore no interest whatsoever in posting today.

So go read my recently published website review in Vision magazine.

Someday Lessons:

• Have a backup plan for when your life is full of crap (pun intended yet again).
• Don't be too quick to judge the cause of bad things - it's highly likely you're wrong.

Someone Else's Writing

Those of you who were here last summer will remember that my sister took over for me while I was on holiday. Now she has her own blog (sometimes shared with her boyfriend, man, spouse, significant other?).

Today she posted a great topic about marriage and about using life as a learning experience.

It's much better than anything I could come up with today, so go read it.

http://urbanpanther.blogspot.com/2008/04/mawage.html

Someday Lessons:

• Celebrate the successes of others as well as your own.
• When someone else says something really well, quote them - there's no need to come up with your own version.

Making Progress Happen

I don't like to work. Since the worsening of my acid reflux, my desire to work has totally died. I do, however, want the results of working. I want the finished products, which means I have to work, no matter how much I don't want to.

Fortunately I have a plan for when I'm in this "I don't want to work" mode. I work for 20 minutes then do something else for 10, like watch a bit of a TV show, or shower, or wash dishes. I try to mix up getting away from the computer in the non-working time so that I don't become a complete sloth.

My easily distracted self can cope with 20 minute work intervals and actually once I get into something I often work for 30 or 40 minutes without stopping.

Someday Lessons:

• Future-goals and now-desires might conflict. Decide which is more important and change the other.
• If you struggle staying focused, break the day into chunks and ignore everything but the chunk of the moment.

Enforced Health Diet

For years I've told myself that I should eat more fresh vegetables and fewer fatty foods like potato chips, but I love fried food and never really got into lots of veggies.

Now I have no choice. On top of having problems with Candida-inducing foods, my stomach has decided that fatty foods cause acid reflux. For the next month the doctor has prescribed me pills to calm my stomach and told me to eat more cleanly. This means that on top of not eating sugar, alcohol, yeast, wheat, mushrooms and other such yummy foods, I also have to cut out non-lean meat, fried food and other high-fat foods. Also hot foods (temperature and spice) irritate my esophagus, so I need to eat my food at room temperature or cold.

What's left you ask?

• Chicken/turkey breast
• Fresh vegetables
• Rice/corn cakes
• Yogurt
• Salads
• Rice
• Fish

I'm so going to get bored (and thin!). At least it's only for a month.

Someday Lessons:

• Don't procrastinate about your health.
• If you don't take care of yourself by choice, your body will likely force you to later.

A Recipe for Meditation

I used to dread doing dishes. I would let them pile up for more than a week until I had nothing clean. Even then I would only wash what I needed and then put the dirty dishes back in the pile. Ask any of my old roommates and they'll answer quickly and vocally how bad I was a dishes.

Now, however, each day I look forward to washing the dishes. We don't use that many each day, so I wash everything once a day. I do so after lunch before I leave for teaching. While I wash the dishes, I don't think about anything at all. In other words, I meditate while my hands stay busy with the glasses, plates, cutlery and pots.

Someday Lessons:

• Something you hate doing can become something you love, simply by changing how you look at it.
• Meditation doesn't have to happen on a matter chanting Buddhist phrases. It can happen anywhere you want it to.

Supressing the Tiggerish Impulses

Back in January I mentioned a goal of being able to go down and up my the 100 stairs to my apartment five times without killing myself. I haven't yet reached that goal, but I now take the stairs two at a time (keeping my back straight) and I arrive at the top only mildly out of breath.

In the lesson for that post I said that you should talk to others about your goals to make them more concrete and to make you more accountable for them. Since then, I've decided that for me, talking about my goals has the opposite effect.

I have a grand imagination. When I talk about something, in my head I imagine doing it and succeeding at it (very good). Therefore in real life I don't need to actually do it. I've done it. I've felt the thrill of victory. Why go through the work to get there in reality? (not so good)

So from now on, I'll let you know what I was striving for once I've achieved it. Of course my mouth is so used to babbling, that I might slip up and Tiggerishly tell you things anyway. Please remind me of this post when I do.

Someday Lessons:

• Sometimes talking is a way of avoiding doing.
• Figuring out what works best for you is usually a matter of trial and error.

A Perfectionist Tigger

I used to think that I was a Christopher Robin, a kid with a grand imagination, but slightly outside of it all. Recently I've realized I'm much more of a Tigger. I bounce. I discover something new and say “ooh Tiggers like that!” and then dive right into without thinking it through or bothering to learn more. I'll learn as I go.

However, I'm a Tigger with perfectionist leanings. I want to do whatever I try perfectly. Doing things perfectly first try is very rare, next to impossible actually. So, when I discover I can't do whatever perfectly, I get bored and look for the next new thing that will make me bounce.

I'm at that point with my writing. Over the past two months I've been working hard on my writing skills. I'm improving greatly, but I've also realized how much further I have to go. This would be the point where Tigger would leave, where he'd say “Tiggers don't like writing” and find something new.

Fortunately I'm not fully Tigger. I can resist the temptation to bounce away from a little work. As much as I hate learning that I'm not the best natural writer in the world, I won't give up. I know that I'm a good writer, but like anything, real skill comes from practice.

Someday Lessons:

• Don't let your inner perfectionist stop you from pursuing your dreams.
• Equally, don't let your inner Tigger bounce you away from something you love just because it's not easy.

Resisting Raul

I've spent my life pretty much alone. Our family is loving but a bit disengaged (it's a British cultural thing). We live at a slight distance from the world. As a child, it was also for self-protection. My childhood friendships were about who would betray others first. My adult relationships have all been about remaining distant. One relationship was an attempt at engaging, but it turned out that his strong emotions were actually just another way of disengaging.

Raul's not like that, and that why I love him so much. However, it's hard to cope with sometimes. He asks that I live in the moment, that I consider him and that I get out of my own head more than once in a while.

That's a scary prospect and I'm totally resisting happiness because of decades of being disengaged (and self-protective). I'm not fearful, but being that vulnerable represents a huge shift in attitude, mentality and action. I'm not there yet.

I will do it, but I just need to resist the idea a little longer. For me, growth happens when I've fought against it for a while like a baby fights sleep.

Someday Lessons:

• External change is much easier to accomplish than internal change.
• Just because we know what needs to change, it doesn't mean we're capable of doing it.

Everything Changes

Last night I reconnected with the Internet from the sofa. Yes, after a very long wait, we have a connection to the wired world in our Txikihome. I no longer need to go down to an Internet café or to a bench at the mall to check emails and hold business meetings.

It also means, however, that I don't actually have to walk anywhere. I can just sit at home letting my middle-aged spread start a few years early. I figure that by the time I'm forty I can have a good computer hump and a few spare tires to replace the ones I lost when I gave away Fleur.

Okay, I'm so not letting that happen.

Raul pointed out this weekend that I'm a very active person mentally, but I need to do something with my body or my brain will explode from built up energy (or subject him to some fantastic soap opera style over the top dramatic diva fit).

So I have incorporated into my daily plan action breaks. It's not much. Getting up to doing laundry (hanging laundry over the interior courtyard balcony is a great stretch), going down to check the mail (and jogging up the 100 steps), etc. Every little bit counts and it gets me away from the computer for a few moments.

Someday Lessons:

• When one thing changes, it affects many others, so be aware of the ripples.
• How do you balance your mind/body workout needs?

I Wish I Could Vote

Today I venture somewhere I've never been in this blog – politics.

Spanish national elections happen this Sunday. Last night was the second televised debate between the leaders of the two largest parties. Now I'm itching to vote, but I can't. I'm not a Spanish national, so I'm not allowed to vote.

When (and who knows that will be) the Conservative government is brought down in Canada, I'll be able to vote long-distance. Unfortunately it seems like the Liberals under Dion have become total wimps, unwilling to do their job as Opposition and battle the Conservatives over their scary (ie right wing) agenda.

Far too many people don't vote and since right now I don't have the opportunity to do so, I'm telling everyone I know here that they should vote next Sunday. If I get an apathetic response, I keep at them. In fact, I'm about ready to take reluctant voters by the hand and lead them to the polling station.

Someday Lessons:

• Actions become much more important when you are denied the ability to do them.
• Take a moment to reflect on what really makes you passionate? What do you do to pass on that passion to others?

Names Have Power

In 1985, Ursula K. LeGuin wrote a story called She Unnames Them. It's about Eve (and Adam) and the naming of things. It's one of my favourite short stories. When we name something we define it. We say what it is and what it isn't. We also define how we act and react around the thing we've named

Take today's theme. I never know what to say on Lazy Tuesday. I procrastinate about what I'm going to write. You'll notice that many times I've used the theme as an excuse not to write anything (here, here, here and here).

I had meant the theme to represent the procrastination part of this blog. It hasn't turned out that way though. The meaning of the name has mutated and has come to represent something else altogether. I won't change the name--I quite like it--but I will have to be more determined to write about procrastination and to not procrastinate about writing.

Someday Lessons:
Be very careful about word choice. It can really affect you attitude and actions.
Changing the name of something changes its meaning and changes your approach to it.

What Aren't You Doing To Be Happy?

Yesterday my sister added a comment, talking about what she wanted to be happier. She also mentioned what she was doing about each thing to improve the situation.

I don't want my body to hurt, so I've changed my diet. I want to earn a living from writing fiction. For that I'm spending several hours a day writing, editing, learning techniques, and critiquing other people's work. Plus I want to be published, but I'm not really doing much about it.

Yes, I submitted my novel to an agent, but I have several short stories in my computer that I don't send out to magazines or contests. I say that I'm a writer and yet I don't actively pursue becoming a published writer.

Why not? Fear. Simply fear.

Most people have a fear of rejection. If we put ourselves out there, others will say no to us, so it's better to not do anything.

Having realized this about myself however, I can push myself past the fear and do what I need to.

Someday Lessons:

• To succeed ambition needs to be stronger than fear.
• We all want things but how many of us actively pursue them?

Less Really Is More

Most books on financial lifestyle focus on earning more money. I once read a book about needing less. At the time I laughed at it. I was living in Toronto, with a mortgage, a new business that wasn't earning enough to live on, business development expenses and... well, you get the idea. My basic living minimum was nearly $3000 a month.

Now I understand. I still live in an expensive city (the second most expensive city in Spain), travel regularly, eat well and enjoy life. But I do it all on less than half of what I needed to earn in Toronto.

What's changed?

Mainly, my attitude. Before, I was looking to get rich. I wanted to create a model of business that would allow me to work less eventually. Now I live in the present and work less in the moment. I still have a plan for the future, but I don't care about becoming rich.

I focus on what I love doing, which is writing. Success is tied to how much I write: fiction, client work, blog work, etc, not how much I earn. I do track what I earn to make sure I'm bringing in what I need, but I'm not obsessed about it.

Instead I simply enjoy life.

Someday Lessons:

• What's important to you? Are you focusing on that or on what you think you need?
• If you don't know what's important to you, you're likely less happy than you could be.

P.S. Plus I have no dependents and I share expenses with Raul, making life much easier.

Creative Play

One of the writing sites that I belong to (FM Writers) is celebrating its 10th anniversary. It's a primarily fantasy writer site and so as part of its celebrations the moderators have announced a shared world project. Shared worlds were very popular in the late 80s early 90s with Thieves' World and Liavek.

Someone else created the first draft of the map for this shared world and I spent this morning reading in detail the “encyclopedia” for the world. I then edited the map based on what I'd read.

I have always wanted to contribute to a project like this and so I was thrilled when they announced it. One of the best parts of this project is that it doesn't matter if it gets published. For me, It's an exercise in expanding my writing and collaboration skills.

Plus it's a whole lot of fun!

Someday Lessons:

• Just because something feels like procrastination, it doesn't mean you're not being productive.
• Having fun and playing is one of the best ways to learn new skills.

Losing My Language

I speak English all day long. I read English. I write in English.

Raul speaks too quickly in Spanish and has troubles speaking slowly, so he speaks to me in English.

I insist, however, on speaking in Spanish to him, but I've noticed that I'm losing my comprehension skills, which were never that high to begin with. I can still speak it okay, but I don't hear enough Spanish to feel comfortable with it. I know that it takes a long time to understand a language, but I've made it harder for myself with all this English around me.

Raul's mother gave me some Spanish workbooks. I'm going to start reviewing them, especially listening to the CDs that accompany them. Hopefully that will stop some of the language erosion.

Someday Lessons:

• Skills are learned once – they need to be practiced.
• Life may try to interfere with goals – make sure that doesn't happen.

The Stairs

So far I haven't been very good about doing the stairs thing. I usually go up and down the stairs four times a day, but not all at one time.

I have done one repeat a few times (404 steps in the 1010 goal), at the end of which I'm wiped. I could do a third, but my body whimpers and I give in.

Of course, now that I've written this, I'm immediately going to go do three trips.

Bye!

Someday Lessons:

• Mental and emotional inertia is one of the biggest blocks to action.
• I know I'm not the only one procrastinating about something. What aren't you doing?

My Non-Resolution Action

I have a plan. It's not a New Year's Resolution. My plan just happens to coincide with the new year.

You can probably guess what the plan is. It's something that most health clubs rely on.

Yes, it's a plan to lose weight.

This spring, I was slimmer and fitter than I'd been since a teenager. I liked the feeling. Then I visited Canada where I ate out almost every night and continually made bad food choices. Then upon returning to Spain I used the excuse of temporary living arrangements to avoid eating well and exercising.

But now I have no excuse to remain a size I'm not comfortable with.

The diet part will be easy. Eat potato chips very infrequently and focus on eating at least five servings of fruits and vegetables a day. When I do that everything else falls into place.

And now, with our txikihome, exercise will also be easy. We live on the 7th floor (or 6th floor for most Europeans) without an elevator. There are 101 steps up to our flat. Climbing them is tiring. My heart races and my lungs hurt.

My goal is to be able to go down and up the 101 steps five times briskly without feeling like I'm going to die.

I'll let you know how well I stick to this 1010 stair exercise plan.

Someday Lessons:

• If habits are easy and interesting, goals are difficult to achieve.
• Tell people about your goals. It'll keep you accountable for them.

Happy New Year

How fitting that New Year's Day falls on a Lazy Tuesday. We were out drinking and dancing until the not-so-wee hours of the morning.

Today is a day to do nothing but cuddle in bed with Raul.

Someday Lessons:

• Some culture (can't remember which) has the saying: How you start the year is how you continue it.
• Choose your activities today carefully.

Busy Day, Boring Post

Again, I'm stuck with nothing to say on Lazy Tuesday. Perhaps the name was a bad choice.

Today is not a lazy day. The apartment is screaming for a paint-job (currently it's pink and yellow). Later, we are taking Raul's mother Xmas dinner shopping, and before the apartment can be painted, it needs to be scrubbed down.

And I've nothing more to tell you.

Someday Lessons:

• Words are magic; they shape reality. Use them carefully.
• Often, the only way to describe an action is to do it.

P.S. Pics of the apartment can be found at http://www.fotolog.com/jonszi/23947274

Sick Day - Don´t Block Yourself

I´m sick today and feeling too lazy to write. So I´ve gone back into the archives and pulled something from December 2006.

*****

Cate and I share a favourite pastime: walking, so we've spent most of our time here in Paris touring the city by foot. Yesterday was an epic day with a total of seven hours of perambulation.

And of course we talk the entire time we walk. During one of the gazillion conversations, Cate said:

I view life as an improv game. You never block.

There are three rules to improv: you never answer a question with a single word or a "no"; you never shut down someone else's idea; and you should be as creative as possible with your responses.

What a great way to live!

I've decided to adopt this attitude for myself.

Plus it's very practical. For example, last night we turned a simple trip to a restaurant into an epic quest for food. You see, non-tourist restaurants aren't open on Christmas night in Paris. We wandered along dark, deserted streets, getting progressively colder and hungrier. But we were more amused than anything else. Each closed restaurant upped the challenge. It didn't stop us, didn't make us give up and just eat at McDonald's.

It made us say: "We will find good food!"

When we did (and wow was it good!); our sense of accomplishment and therefore our appreciation of the meal were as large as our combined appetites!

Someday Lessons:

• Another word for chaos is exploration.
• Don't let life block you - find a way to keep the story going.

A Boring Post

Today I was going to write about school and how I'm not doing my homework because I'm bored. I was going to talk about the routine and how it's been difficult given that I've lived since mid-2003 routine-free. But each time I started to write something I got really bored and erased it all.

In fact the topic bores me so much, I'm ending the post here.

Someday Lessons:

• If something bores you, don't dwell on it; find something else of interest.