Someday Syndrome

Be Aware, Make Choices

I always wanted to be the best at something. And I defined best as being famous.

At the end of high school, I didn't go into music because I didn't have the talent to be famous musician. I didn't try for a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Creative Writing either because I was afraid of not being the best writer (or even getting into the program).

When I started my organizing business, one goal was to become a top-known organizer in Canada. Then when I started this blog, I wanted to become a very popular blogger. And because I put such high expectations on myself, I've always had a nagging sense of failure and insecurity.

I'm learning not to care about what the world thinks. I now simply do my best at whatever I'm doing in the moment.

Take the novel I'm editing. I want it to be the best book I can write, but not so that it will make the best seller list, be made into a movie, and me be the next Helen Fielding. I want to write the best book I can simply for itself. If any of those other things happen, then great. I'm so thrilled to have even written a novel that getting it published would be a bonus.

Someday Lessons:

No Someday Lessons today. Instead I'm joining in on The Ultimate Guide to Productivity meme started at Instigator Blog and passed on to me by Janet Barclay

Alex's tip: Always be aware of why you are doing something and that you are consciously choosing to do it. Procrastination and other inefficient behaviours will drop away when you do.

I'm opening the tagging to anyone who reads the blog and wants to add their productivity tip(s).

Nothing Happens for a Reason

I've always looked for divine reasons in any bad thing that has happened. My car accident was the Universe teaching me patience, my cold sores a lesson in active choices. I needed the divine to be in control of my life's meaning.

However, things do just happen, with no divine reason. This thought is echoed in a book I recently read by Anna Maxted called Behaving Like Adults. The main character suffers through a rough patch and at the end has this to say:

I don't think suffering teaches you anything that you couldn't have learned in a pleasant, civilized alternative way. But my reactions to the whole experience and afterward have taught me a lot about me, some of which can be improved upon. I hope to be happier as a result of the knowledge.

Last week, in my novel, I tore apart the life of my main character so that I could build it up again and give her a chance at happiness. That's fiction, where the author is the divine, creating specific experiences to move the plot forward. Our lives aren't fiction, though. We are not a part of a carefully crafted plot.

But we are storytellers. We strive to make sense of our lives and so we create a plot. If you believe in an active God, then He is the one guiding the plot. Or the Universe is a teacher, hitting us over the head when we refuse to learn a lesson.

I'm an agnostic existentialist – our life is made up of choices, opportunities and outcomes – but I'm not a pre-determinist. I don't think that experiences occur specifically to teach us anything.

Lessons learned aren't the cause of an experience; they are the result. I've talked about each of my bad experiences as if the Universe has been trying to teach me something, when really I'm just trying to pull meaning of situations that totally suck.

Bad things will still happen in my life. But I will no longer say "the Universe is teaching me this lesson." Instead I will ask "what can I take from this situation to improve my life?"

It's a subtle difference, but it puts control of my life firmly within my own power.

Someday Lessons:

• Nothing happens for a reason, but lessons can still be learned.
• Don't look for causes, look for choices and outcomes.

Cancelling The Pity Party

It's really difficult to find a silver lining in an eight-week cold.

Yes, for the third time, I am meeting Energy Boy with a cold. At least this time I don't have a cold sore!

Last Sunday I spoke with Party-Cate who told me I had exactly one week to get rid of the cold (she arrives in Paris on Saturday), and Party-Alex agreed with her. Actually every Alex in the personality zoo agreed with her. Well, every one except the Alex who enjoys being sick: Wallow-Alex, aka Self-Pity-Alex.

"Poor me!" he cries every chance he gets.

He's been feeling neglected lately. When I had my last 9-5 job, he thrived. He was the dominant Alex - so dominant that he was renamed Victim-Alex. He was so thrilled at being in charge that he threw a pity party of such epic proportions, it lasted several years.

When Entrepreneur-Alex was in charge; Self-Pity-Alex would break out periodically. He'd spend a full day wallowing and having a good cry before he was caught and re-caged.

After arriving in France and having my car accident, Self-Pity-Alex enjoyed freedom for a bit. But since then he's had very little activity. He sits in his cage moping (of course). Last night when my lungs hurt so much I thought I had an alien in my chest, Self-Pity-Alex attempted a break, but I clamped down on him.

I'm in a fantastic country, doing fun things with great people. Why would I let a little thing like an eight-week mucus-fest ruin it for me?

Someday Lessons:

• Nothing beats a good wallow, but self-pity has a tendency to take over.
• No matter how small they are, focus on positive things to end a pity party.

A Better Past

Because of this fulfilling-a-dream connection to my 12 year old self, I've been thinking a lot about that Alex.

I've dwelt on hating that time, ages 11 through 13 – the worst years of my life. I focused on the abuse from peers, the need to be liked by these kids who felt they had to put me down, and on Mr. Smith discouraging authority figures.

In other words, I've been bitter.

Then today I was out walking, feeling great. I mean, how can I not feel great with the heart rate up, blood flowing quickly, endorphins chugging through me, and awesome tunage pumping into my brain? And don't forget the views! I must remember to take my camera and snap a photo every five minutes.

Anyway, while I was walking, I experienced a polite elephant sneeze (that's an epiphany for those new to the blog). I could choose instead to look at other, more positive aspects. I had friends who liked me. We'd go to movies, play at the park, go downtown to the Eaton Centre to buy those cute Sandra Boynton stickers at Mr Greenjeans.

I had a supportive family, who didn't care that I hated sports and preferred to bake cookies with Grandma over fixing the jeep (again!).

I'm just as much a product of all those (and more!) good things. I can acknowledge the bad stuff then let it go. I don't need it any more.

Someday Lessons:

• Always remember the Law of Attraction: what you focus on grows.
• Look back at a dark period in your life and find all the good things that existed.

Lunch Today:
Ground beef with peppers, onions and hot sauce on rye crackers (much tastier than it sounds!)

Random Relations

So, tonight I went over to my cousins' for a drink. Her parents were there and we got to talking about genealogy. My dad had sent some pictures of connected family. I explained who each person was.

In looking at the family tree carefully, I discovered that my cousin isn't my fourth cousin, but my fourth cousin once removed. For those who don't understand what that means:

1. My cousin and my sibling's children are fifth cousins
2. My cousin's father and I are fourth cousins
3. My dad and my cousin's grandmother are third cousins
4. My grandfather and my cousin's great-grandfather were second cousins
5. My great-grandfather and my cousin's great-great-grandfather were first cousins
6. My great-great-grandfather and my cousin's great-great-great-grandmother were siblings.

So in other words, we're not really related. If you traced the number of people who have the same relationship genetically that my cousin and I have, you'd probably have over a thousand people or something.

And yet this woman welcomed me into her home, helped me get settled, and has provided me with a family here. All because six generations back, two people were siblings.

This to me exemplifies the idea of seeing the best in the world. Based on this tenuous connection, we've created a strong bond that is stronger than much genetically-closer relationships.

Of course, what made this all possible was a common interest in family history. Both families talk about our common ancestors like they were recently dead, not a hundred years or more gone. In this world where the hurts and feuds of generations gone past lead to war, it's good to know that there is a positive side to family history.

Someday Lessons:

1. When deciding what to keep and what to give away, don't sever your connections to your ancestors - they are a part of you.
2. Seeing the best means also being willing to take a risk based on intuition and trust.

Lunch Today:
Tomato & Walnut Soup

An Idyllic Day

Let me explain how I come up with the theme (category) for the day. This blog is the basis for a book with the same title. The book has twenty-seven chapters. To give me content for each chapter and for daily inspiration, I’ve put the chapter titles on little pieces of paper. Each morning, I pull a chapter title out of my bedside table drawer and use the title as my theme for the day (living as well as writing). After three months (three rounds of chapter titles), I’ll have enough material to start writing the book (don’t worry, I’ll still continue blogging daily).

Today’s theme of “See the Best” couldn’t be a better topic. Actually every day’s topic has been well suited to the day’s situations. But today, I had a perfect day. A bunch of adults and their kids got together in a converted barn for food, wine and conversation (no wine for the kids!). The conversation was in English and French, everyone contributed, the kids came and went, no one hurried, and we ended up spending hours at the table without even noticing it. Then we went down to the river where we made like salmon and tried to swim upstream against the current through mini-rapids.

My best day in France so far.

It’s easy to see the best in a day like today, but if I had not previously been open to seeing the best in things, I might have missed out on today. Some of the things that I could have seen negatively are:

• Toddlers: I don’t have kids and don’t want them. But I love being around them – they’re so immediate about everything.
• Three couples and me: Playing seventh wheel is never fun. But they’re all great people and I’m comfortable with where I am in life.
• My lack of French: I wouldn’t understand everything and might embarrass myself. But the only way to learn is to immerse myself in French and have a good laugh at the mistakes.

I could go on, but you get the idea. I could have very easily excluded myself from one of the more enjoyable days of my life. Instead, I’m very grateful to have had such a wonderful day.

Someday Lessons:

1. Good things don’t happen spontaneously; they build on each other.
2. Even little negative thoughts can block good things – don’t let them get in your way.

Lunch Today:
Guacamole, Rice with Chicken cooked in many yummy things (like olives, tomatoes, onions…), Salad & Cheese, Lemon Tarte, Coffee, and Wine (yes, I skipped dinner).