Someday Syndrome

My Ship's Arrived!

My ship has come in and I'm busy stowing cargo for the voyage.

Okay, so technically it's my car that I'm about to drive off in, but no one says "Someday my car will get here."

Basically, I won't be blogging for the next week or so. I'll be back to regularly scheduled (daily?) blog posts by April 5th.

Looking forward to seeing you all then!

Someday Lessons:

• When you're in the middle of a change, it's okay to stop doing other things - just let people know.
• Ships do come in and dreams are fulfilled when you stop saying "Someday."

A Temporary Backslide

I always forget that that emotional and spiritual growth don't happen the way physical growth does. As a child, I never grew two inches then shrank an inch. Only non-physical growth happens in this give and take way.

I've written many times about the various polite elephant sneezes¹ that I've experienced, but it's always been in the context of forward movement. This week, however, I did some backsliding.

From Saturday to Thursday, I had distressing dreams where I was always searching for something and totally late for various appointments. The situation changed each time, but it was always the same scenario.

In other words, I was having quite literal organizing nightmares.

But that part of the dreams didn't really bother me. Each morning I woke up with a sense that I was disappointing people, no one specific, just a generic "them." That was what distressed me, especially since the feeling would last throughout the day.

I spent each day exhausted and my stomach was in knots. I felt like crying, apologizing to random passers-by, or getting insecure about my latest romantic potential (my Rompot).

No need to guess which one I chose to express. Of course it was the one involving the Rompot.

I descended into full needy geek mode, babbling online about every insecurity I felt about this guy – to him! He told me what I'd been telling myself (unsuccessfully). Just relax.

Later that day after my cousin told me her two girls had been sick, I twigged to the reason my emotions were leaking out all over. I'd been touched by a weak stomach bug.

I've since slept twelve hours in a single night, gotten my haircut, and bought myself a cell phone. These three actions respectively took care of: my health, my vanity and my to do list for leaving Sauveterre.

I also sent a semi-apology email to my Rompot explaining the illness derived insecurity. Of course the insecurity was there to begin with, but if I'd been feeling well, I wouldn't have let it out so indiscriminately.

This backslide was bound to happen at some point. It's good I caught it so quickly!

Someday Lessons:

• Emotional backsliding isn't always psychological. Sometimes it has a physical cause.
• A great haircut goes a long way towards making everything all right.

1. I think the word "epiphany" sounds like an elephant sneezing politely.

A Declaration

It´s time to stop waiting at home for my ship to come in. It´s time for me to commandeer the ship for myself. It´s time to commit.

You might think that I´ve already done all that, but really I´ve only half done it. I´ve made changes, but I have way further to go.

I am an artist, a writer. It´s time to finally become one, seriously.

This will mean a lot more changes in 2007, professionally and personally.

I know what some of those changes need to be, but many others are still to be discovered.

But a first step is all that is needed. And that step is a declaration for all to hear.

I am a writer and I will live as I must to fulfill that destiny.

Someday Lessons:

• Self-awareness is critical to a fulfilled life.
• As you discover new things in yourself, state them aloud to make them real.

Ship, Prince, Whatever

I almost called today's theme of "Someday My Ship Will Come In" by a different name: "Someday My Prince Will Come." Thanks to Walt Disney's Snow White, about four generations of people have grown up with that myth: If we just wait long enough the man of our dreams will come. And as men, we feel that someday after enough searching, we will find the maid whom we will kiss and fall in love with.

I shouldn't say "we" for the second part, actually. Although I am a man (with increasingly too much body hair to prove it), I fall into the waiting-to-be-rescued camp. It's the victim trying to sneak back into my psyche in disguise.

When I meet someone, I want to know his intentions. I want to know right away if this is a man I could spend lots of time with (if not forever). I thought that over the past few years, I'd done a good job of eradicating this unattainable ideal of a rescuing prince, but with my latest trip (to visit my energy-boy in Bar le Duc), from the moment I got on the train I started to ask myself "Is he? Isn't he?"

My body decided for me, or rather it decided that I wouldn't be allowed to make a decision. On the train, my upper lip started to tingle. By the time I was transferring trains in Paris, I had a full-blown cold sore.

Scratch romance from this trip!

Talking was good. Cuddling was good. But who knows about the rest. Of course I was irritated and frustrated then I calmed down after remembering what my current lesson in life is: to learn patience.

My energy-boy being Middle-Eastern had a different cultural view point on the whole "is he, isn't he" debate. For him, there was no prince-myth to fight against. He doesn't need to put me in a mental box right away and keep me there.

The internal organizer freaks out at the concept of non-categorizing. Are you completely mad? I ask myself when considering the idea of non-classification. For an organizer, everything in life needs to be broken down into categories. And this also needs to be done as quickly as possible.

But no, my energy-boy reminded me that life is also about possibilities, about openness and about not pigeon-holing everyone and everything.

So, yes I'm going back in December. I'm not going expecting anything nor am I going expecting nothing. I'm just going. And that is a really scary thought.

Someday Lessons:

• Talk to people from different cultures to expand your own worldview.
• Not everything needs to be categorized.

Lunch Today:
Rotisserie Chicken with Roasted Potatoes and Carrots

Easily Broken

While some habits are hard to break, some are very easy.

Just by being away from a computer for a few days, I find it difficult to get myself back into the blogging mindframe.

I'll be back with my usual longer format entries tomorrow but in the meantime, here's a good link to a discussion of creating good habits at the Leadership Labyrinth.

Safe but Sorry (for Myself)

Years ago, I was in a bad relationship and a job I hated. I complained. To everyone. To anyone. But I didn't do anything about it.

I enjoyed playing victim too much.

There's power in powerlessness, being able to say "but I can't do anything!" and "it's not fair!" It's a very safe place to be. It didn't make me happy, but it was comfortable. And it meant I didn't have to take personal responsibility or take any actions.

And why did I stop playing victim?

The bad relationship forced me to stop. My entire life, I had been a victim. As the younger sibling physically unable to best my brother, as a punching bag in grade school, as a misunderstood gothic teenager, as the gay boy growing up in a hockey town.

Plus in most of my adult friendships, I handed the power to others. I forced them to determine my self-worth through their actions and words towards me. It wasn't easy being my friend. In fact, I'm sure it was a lot of work.

Then came this bad relationship, during which I cut out all the other people who had been keepers of my self-worth. I put all my eggs in one basket. I tied my value to one person. The basket wasn't strong enough and all the eggs fell and cracked. I cracked.

I learned to stand up for myself, to state an opinion and stick to it. I learned that someone being angry with me isn't the end of the world. And I learned that self-worth wasn't something anyone could measure – not others and not myself. Self-worth is inherent.

So the relationship ended (we managed to salvage a friendship out of it, however). Within six months, I was investigating Professional Organizing as a profession. It took another year and a half to get out of the job, but that had more to do with financial security than self-worth.

Occasionally the victim in me will reappear (he sneaks in with other habits). As soon as I recognize him, I politely yet firmly show him the door. He comes around less and less now. He knows he's not welcome.

Someday Lessons:

• The devil we know, no matter how painful, is easier to stay with than the unknown stranger.
• Don't wait for the world or others to make life better. It won't happen.

Lunch Today:
Quick Burger in Pau (the European McDonald's)

Make the Most of Life, Always

One of the three strains of “Someday Syndrome” is the belief that “someday my ship will come in” which happens when we stop thinking and acting with intention and just sit around waiting for good things to come to us. But sometimes, even with good intentions and thoughts, life isn’t so good.

In fact, life sometimes sucks.

The whole incident with the car has reminded me of that fact. It totally sucks that I bought a car, crashed it and have to pay a lot to get the other car repaired. But it happened and time to move on.

In 1994 I came down with Fibromyalgia, a condition that left my muscles in constant pain and left me with next to no energy. Sometimes getting out of bed was impossible. I would compare myself to other 20somethings and wish life was different. I spent a lot of time hoping I would feel better. I was waiting for my ship to come in.

But it didn’t for nine years.

During that time, however, I didn't give into despair (okay sometimes I was full of self pity, but only on really bad days). I tried to stay positive and I was really gentle on myself (usually).

Dishes not washed for two weeks? No problem! At least I was eating. Dust bunnies (dust elephants?) breeding all over the house? Who cares! At least I was functioning day to day.

That illness really helped me as an organizer. A lot of what I teach my clients is about letting go of perfection. Are you functioning? Is doing more too much? Okay then let’s focus on functioning and celebrate that as a success.

No matter what bad things happen to us, one way to avoid the Someday symptom of waiting for things to stop being so bad is to focus on what’s currently good.

Back then the constant lesson for me was to learn that doing nothing was okay and to recognize when good enough was truly enough.

Right now I’m focusing on the fact that yes the accident happened and I feel like an idiot, but if someone had been hurt or if charges had been laid, I could have ended up in jail or paying the other family for the rest of my life.

So yes, this weekend sucked big time, but I’m still really enjoying France and now I’ll have a chance to continue to improve my French by taking buses and trains to get places.

Someday Lessons:

1. Life sucks sometimes and you can’t change that fact.
2. Focus on the positive and what’s good no matter how small that good is.

Lunch Today:

A fresh, juicy turkey breast cooked in Basque Sauce (heaven in a bottle!) with homemade salsa.