Someday Syndrome

The Power of Listening

Yesterday I had my appointment with the homeopath. On the surface, he did nothing different from the doctors I've seen here. I arrived, we talked, he gave me a prescription and told me to come back a month after I've finished the pills.

However, he listened to me. We spoke for almost an hour, quite leisurely and thoroughly about all aspects of my life, not just about the specific symptoms in my stomach. He asked questions and paid attention to the answers. He also appreciated it when I offered information that came into my head at a tangent. There was no line waiting, there was no pile of prescription forms waiting to be printed off. In fact there were no forms at all!

I don't blame the doctors I've seen. The fault lies in a system that has too many users and not enough funding. When I visit my doctor, I have a five or ten minute appointment and my doctor's primary objective always appears to stay as close to being on schedule as possible. This type of environment only encourages a lack of listening because everything needs to be solved in a matter of moments, invariably with some sort of drug.

When I start to take my homeopathic pills, I don't know if they will make me feel better or not, but in a way that doesn't really matter. I already feel better just knowing that someone really paid attention to what's going on in my body instead of throwing medication at symptoms and rushing me out the door.

Someday Lessons:

• Deep focused listening is a skill not many people practice.
• A really good listener has the power to heal.

Resisting the Peanut Butter

I've always believed that I lack willpower. I just can't make myself do things I don't want to nor NOT do things I do want to.

I have all the things I need for super success in whatever I do: ambition, drive, talent (modesty) - everything except willpower. I'm not as successful as I could be because I lack willpower. It's inherent and unchangeable.

(Un)fortunately that's a complete lie. How do I know that? Because I've discovered I do possess willpower over what I eat. With my severely limited diet, I could cheat easily. No one would know if I bought a donut or devoured a bag of potato chips. I simply choose not to because I remember the nine years of pain I used to live in and was beginning to feel again.

Yesterday for example I had a terrible craving for peanut butter and Ritz crackers, my mainstay childhood food. I could taste the smooth sweetness of the Kraft PB, the buttery saltiness of the Ritz. I felt the cracker snap and flake as my teeth bit into it, the peanut butter sticking my tongue to the roof of my mouth.

Later in the day I walked past a bakery and decided I would be willing trade my soul for a soft, chewy peanut butter cookie that would coat my mouth with floury goodness.

I managed to resist both, however, without much drama. I have no desire to live the rest of my life in pain, so denying myself sweets and processed foods for six months every five years is easily doable.

So yeah, I do have willpower - when I find something important enough. Does it mean then that I find very few things important? Or that I'm just lazy?

Someday Lessons:

• Willpower is not inherent - it's a choice, like almost everything else in life.
• Pain and discomfort often motivate change better than anything else.

The Arrogance of Experts

The antacid medication hasn't kicked in yet, so I didn't go in to work. I spent the day in bed except for half-an-hour when I went to see the doctor to get a note for my boss. While there I asked the doctor a few questions about the pain and about the candida problems I have, but unfortunately she gave me the typical western medicine response of "you're just the patient – you don't know anything."

If it weren't for the language barrier I would have pushed more, but then again I think I would have just been banging my head against a wall, which might have distracted from the acid-pain but wouldn't have been good in the long run. The doctor's attitude was the same I experienced when the medical community in Toronto told me that I had fibromyalgia and couldn't do anything about it. After living in pain for nine years I changed my diet and poof! all symptoms went away (for almost five years).

In other words I'm a little short on trust right now but in Spain people are assigned their doctors and can't look around for one they trust and feel comfortable with. Maybe I'll make a long distance appointment with my former naturopath in Toronto. He always paid attention to everything I told him.

Someday Lessons:

• All too often, the more people know, the less the listen to others.
• Ultimately, you are the only true advocate for your health.

To-Do List Dependence

Last Tuesday at 7:55am work called, wondering why I wasn't there yet.

But I don't have class today, I thought. I only have classes Tuesday and Thursday mornings.

Oh. Oops!

I do this sort of thing all the time. My ability to remember tasks resembles a beagle's ability to not smell every tree it passes – non-existent. To solve this problem, I rely on lists, especially on daily to-do lists. On weekdays I even put breakfast and lunch on the list or I will reach leaving-for-work time without having eaten anything all day.

Since I no longer use Outlook (I'm a Gmail man) I had been creating these lists in OpenOffice Writer each night before going to bed. The problem with manual lists, though, is that if I forget to put something on this list, it doesn't get done – just like class last Tuesday.

I don't own a PDA and wouldn't use one if I did (I've tried, they just aren't me). However I love my laptop. It's an extension of my body, a backup of my data corrupting brain.

Last week, Unclutterer.com recommended an online to-do list that can link to Gmail. I signed up and fell in love (see Unclutterer's review here). I've uploaded all my tasks and included their weird repeating schedules. My productivity has soared, I'm a lot happier because I'm not forgetting things, and (the best part) Raul doesn't have to be my personal assistant any more. He was beginning to find my absentmindedness not so cute.

Someday Lessons:

• Some things are just inherently you. Don't try to change them – just find workarounds.
• Take responsibility for yourself – don't expect others to do things that for you.

Speaking Different Languages

Tick, tick, tick… What's that you hear? Something waiting to explode? Oh, that's just a tired Alex mixed with a tired Raul.

Last night we stayed up until after 2am watching the season premiere of Spanish Pop Idol (www.OperacionTriunfo.com), so slept only four and a half hours. When we have too little sleep, Raul gets aggressive and I get defensive (can't you just hear the bomb ticking?).

Needless to say, midmorning we tripped the detonator despite Raul thinking that he was holding back much of his aggressiveness and me certain that I had destroyed my super-sensitive ego.

The problem? We talk too much. We said much more than was necessary and ended up covered in the debris of a miscommunication and hurt feeling bomb. Fortunately the bomb was small and we cleaned things up quickly.

Someday Lessons:

• Relationships require much patience on both sides.
• Good communication skills include knowing when to shut up.

A Proud Parent

I know know what parents must feel like when they see their children grow. You think you've raised your kids a certain way but then suddenly they're independent being with their own opinions, influenced and shaped by things over which you have no control. You're full of pride, but you also feel a bit stunned – “How did that come from me?”

Today www.OrganizingConnection.com launched, which means the scripts I've been working on for the last two months have premiered as well. I've read enough scripts of TV shows and movies that I've seen to know that a script often has only a passing relationship with the final product. Fortunately this is not the case with Organizing Connection. Yes, after an edit by the site owners and a comedian, the filming, and the editing what people see differs from what I wrote, but I can see the original work their underlying the whole structure. It's especially exciting when I see my words coming out of an actor's mouth.

As for the site itself? Info-rich, gorgeous colours and super easy to navigate.

 

I encourage you all to visit the site, take a look around using the free membership they offer. Once you're hooked, I know you'll want to buy a subscription and continue to watch my scripts comes to life month after month.

Someday Lessons:

• When a strong creative team comes together, the results are spectacular.
• As always, remember to celebrate and share your successes.

A Healthy Alex is a Happy Alex

After putting up with pain and the trials and tribulations of the sugar-detox, today I learned that I'm a healthy man.

In January I received a Spanish health card, so took advantage of that and booked myself a checkup. I got the full spectrum of bloodwork done and everything out normal. The only thing that I could improve is my good cholesterol which is on the low side of normal. That's easily remedied with some more exercise (which I've committed to anyway).

And now, because the results are so exciting, I'm going to share them:

• Total cholesterol: 148 mg/dL (anything under 200 is a good thing)
• Good cholesterol (HDL): 40.3 mg/dL (normal range for men is 40 to 50)
• Bad cholesterol (LDL): 96.5 mg/dL (under 100 is optimal)
• Triglycerides: 56 mg/dL (healthy is anything under 150)
• Blood glucose: 80 mg/dL (normal is between 70 and 110)*

Someday Lessons:

• Don't play the Someday Game with your health – schedule regular checkups.
• When you have good news, tell people.

* 110 in Spain but 150 according to several U.S. websites.

A Someday Interview

My Blog Friend and former fellow Professional Organizers in Canada Board member, Janet Barclay of the blog From the Desk of Janet Barclay tagged me to write an interview with myself. So, here goes:

What is the story behind the name of your blog?

Most people suffer from Someday Syndrome in some form. It has three common ways of manifesting itself: I might need it someday, I'll get around to it someday and someday my ship will come in.

Why did you start blogging in the first place?

I'd been meaning to start a blog since 2004, but could never think of anything interesting to say. Then in 2006 when I decided to pursue my childhood dream of living in Europe and writing, I realized I finally had something to say. Surely I wasn't the only one who had been living with the idea that “someday” I would do something that I really loved doing instead of just going through life.

What is your best blogging experience?

Hearing that I've touched other people's lives. I often get comments or emails from people who tell me that they are on the way to getting rid of the word someday from their lives and that my blog has helped them focus on what they really want.

So far the worst experience?

Honestly I can't think of a single bad blog experience. Everyone has been super positive and super supportive.

What do you think will happen to your blog in 2008?

The blog started about with me making a grand gesture – living in Europe to write without working and without knowing where I'd end up. Now it's turning into a smaller journey, figuring out how to keep the sense of wonder and the constant pursuit for happiness in the face of day to day settled-down life.

Who I’m tagging:

Hmmm.. I'm always really bad at tagging people so I'm going to leave it open to anyone who wants to continue it. Just let me know you've done it – I want to read what you've said!

Someday Lessons:
None. Enjoy a lesson-free day today!

First Impressions: Right and Wrong

Today I'm the featured Canadian Abroad in the Toronto Star.

I'd written this interview a while ago, so I'd forgotten what I'd said. It was interesting to go back and read it again.

What I wrote were my first impressions about Spain and coming from hugely multicultural Toronto, I found that Spain is still relatively monocultural. That first impression is still true.

However, my other first impression, that Spanish people don't work as much is completely wrong. Yes, they aren't as driven as most North Americans, but the hours they work are often longer and more tiring than most Canadians would put up with. I'm fortunate that I don't currently have to take part in that, as with my competitive North American nature, I'd kill myself with being the Best-Worker-Ever!!!

It's not that Spanish people don't work. They do, but it doesn't define them. I've yet to meet someone here who defines themselves by their occupation the way we North Americans do.

Someday Lessons:

• Don't get trapped by first impressions - be open to changing your opinion.
• Does what you do for a living define who you are?

Mythic Weather

March is tricky beast. You never know what it will be. Astrologically it's a fish or ram, slippery or aggressive. Weather-wise it's supposed to be a lamb or a lion, mewling or roaring.

This year, it first appeared as a butterfly, all pretty breezes and bright colours. Then it revealed its true form yesterday. Across northern Spain, heavy snows fell for the first time this year. In San Sebastian, we had driving winds (I could barely walk against them!), bouts of painfully cold and needle-sharp rain, and equally painful and cold hail stones.

What type of animal that's supposed to be, I'm not sure. Perhaps that's what's meant by coming in as a lion, but to me a lion is thunderstorms and bright flashes of lightning. Yesterday was more like a harpy: complaining, pursuing and vengeful. I spent most of the day hiding in doors under the covers, hoping she wouldn't notice me.

I just hope she goes away soon and lets the butterflies return. Butterflies are infinitely more pleasant.

Someday Lessons:

• Don't let expectations fool you. Pay attention to the reality of things.
• How you choose to look at the world changes how you interact with it.

Fishing the Text Sea

In Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next series, the third book is called the Well of Lost Plots. It's the place where writers go to when they are creating stories. These are all the unpublished books, all the fragments of ideas that authors have had. And if they are left unpublished too long they are broken up for parts and the leftover letters go into the Text Sea to be reused by someone else.

I love this concept.

As part of my writing routine I've started doing daily writing exercises. I don't do them every day, but I'm aiming for most days. On the FM Writers forums I'm given a writing prompt. It can be anything, from having to write about a character needing to get past a vicious dog, to someone having the ability to shift at will.

The interesting thing is that I'm never at a loss for ideas. Sometimes when I'm feeling lazy I don't respond to a particular prompt, but I know that if I made a bit more of an effort, I'd come up with something. The pieces are always short, under 500 words, but they are enough to give me an idea of a world, of a situation that I could explore.

Every day I fish the Text Sea. With patience I catch enough letters to create an idea. Each idea then goes into the Well of Lost Plots and stay there until I decide to explore them further, or until I no longer want them and they go back into the Sea, ready for the next fisher/writer to come along.

Someday Lessons:

• Your creativity is boundless. It's just a matter of finding the right metaphor to access it.
• If you want to pull yourself out of routine, practice creativity regularly.

Do You Know If You're Happy?

When I was younger and more dramatic I used to wallow in unhappiness (Okay fine, sometimes I still do indulge in a good bout of self-pity, but I try to stop it as soon as I notice what I'm doing). Now when I realize that I'm starting to get unhappy I look for the cause then change things.

A lot of people, however, know they are unhappy and don't do a thing about it. It could be a case of self-worth; they don't believe they are worthy of being happy. It could be inertia; easier to stay comfortably unhappy then make an effort to change. Or it could be fear; it's less risky to stay where you are than to aim higher and maybe fall lower.

These things I understand. Insecurity, inertia and fear are active. They are the results of being aware of life, even if they are negative. What I don't get, however, is people who never look at their lives. They don't actually know if they are happy or not. They don't just live with blinders on, hiding other possibilities, they don't even have their eyes open! These people seem to be content to go through life as if they were on a really long and boring car ride. Nothing interesting is supposed to happen and they hit the major milestones in life in the same way they'd stop off at service stations along the highway.

With this type of life, all I think is: “How sad.”

Someday Lessons:

• Live positively or live negatively, but be aware of your choices.
• You have one life – what are you doing with it?

Deliberate Decisions

Last week I started an online writing workshop. The exercises are fascinating and I'm learning a lot about my writing. The biggest thing I've learned is that I'm an instinctive writer. Yes, I plan and outline—a lot—but many of the choices I make, like point of view, voice, tense and intensity, I make without thinking about them.

Now, however, the exercises have made me aware of these choices and in the future I won't be able to make the decisions instinctively. I'll have to be more deliberate. Of course my writing will be better for it, but it also means that every piece I write from now on will take me much longer.

However, if I look back at my first novel, I can see that if I'd made more deliberate choices earlier on, I likely would have avoided the lengthy editing process that I now face. So, yeah, initial thoroughness is a good thing.

Someday Lessons:

• Make deliberate decisions. Don't let habit or laziness make them for you.
• Even if a deliberate decision reaffirms an instinctual one, at least you'll know for sure you were right.

Discovering Patience Part III

Last fall, an agent asked for a rewrite of my novel. I agreed that the rewrite would improve the novel, so I went forward with it.

Rewrite done, I resubmitted it last month. And today, the agent rejected it.

She liked what I'd done, but said the novel now needs a really good edit which her agency is too busy to help with. In my rush to get the novel back to her, I ignored my intuition. I knew the novel still needed work, but I didn't want her to wait too long and maybe forget about me.

Fortunately, I'm a good enough writer that the agent likes the story and wants another resubmit when the edits are done.

Someday Lessons:

• Slow excellence is better than fast mediocrity.
• Don't let impatience silence intuition.

Alex the Ass

On Saturday night, we had people over for dinner and the combination of steak and wine did not sit well with me. I ended up napping before we went out to watch the wandering drummers for the San Sebastian festival.

I made the mistake of thinking it was warmer so wore only a light hoodie.

Once at our first destination, I found out the purpose of the night: to wander from bar to bar outside as we followed a group of men dressed in military garb or chef's outfits play the same five songs over and over.

I wasn't having any of it. I pronounced the whole thing ridiculous. I announced that Canadians don't have traditions like this then emotionally, intellectually and (later) physically removed myself from the event.

At 2am, cold, tired and with a very upset stomach, I went home.

In my self-absorbed pompous state, I completely forgot that to people from San Sebastian, this night is one of the most important of the year. It's the day they celebrate their city.

Normally I would have gotten right into it as the boyfriend of another friend did, but no. I decided to be a pretentious jerk and proceeded to offend everyone around me.

It took Raul two days to forgive me.

Someday Lessons:

• The fastest way to hurt someone is to stay inside your own opinion.
• A bad attitude makes for really bad experiences.

Recognizing Privilege

Over the past two weeks, I think Spanish racism has served me well.

Many people told me horror stories about trying to get residency documents and working papers. Clerks were going to decide suddenly that I'd be missing something and have to try again. Or I'd wait for hours and then told to come back another day.

The reality couldn't have been more different.

Everyone was really helpful. I sailed through every appointment and I haven't had to wait for anything for longer than twenty minutes.

My being a white male with a British passport probably had a lot to do with this easy transition to Spanish residency. The English in Spain might be an annoyance to some, but to most others the English are infinitely preferable to the Romany, Moroccans, or Ecuadorians.

And unfortunately I'm far too much a realist to believe that everything was so easy solely because the Spanish government works more efficiently now.

Someday Lessons:

• Our level of privilege in society usually isn't a choice but it's important to be aware of it.
• Just because something is simple for you, don't assume everyone else will have an easy time.

A Visit Inside Alex

The birth of Spanish-Alex approaches. This morning I picked up my social security number. Later today I sign my work contract and next week I have an appointment for my residency card. Every Alex inside me is eager to welcome this new addition to the pack.

Speaking of happiness, Writer-Alex is distressed because he can't describe how happy we all are right now.

One other Alex is complaining too: Enviro-Alex. My job (teaching English in businesses) requires that I drive a lot, about 1000km a week. Enviro-Alex rails against this but Negotiator-Alex has  soothed him by promising to donate a portion of our earnings to an environmental group. And when Financial-Alex says it's okay, we'll buy a more environmental-friendly car.

Someday Lessons:

• Sometimes compromises are necessary – just make sure it's not too much.
• Take stock of the various yous periodically. Is everyone happy?

Discovering Patience Revisited

A few weeks ago I decided that patience was a matter of living in the present, not the future. Last week I discovered there's another form of patience that I was not understanding.

Our recent IKEA purchases included some LACK floating shelves. You know the ones. They look great, but they are a real pain in the ass to mount.

Eager to prove myself a handy guy to Raul, I dove right in, measuring, drilling, being a total do-it-yourselfer. You can guess what happened. My measurements were off, the holes weren't deep enough and we destroyed five screws (and gave ourselves blisters) getting the shelf mount back off the wall to correct the problem.

Can you also guess the lesson here? What are the key words?

You got it: “eager to prove myself.”

I didn't take the time to prepare the work area or to ask for help. I didn't want to appear like I couldn't do something. Of course, by being impatient, I did exactly what I didn't want to do.

Someday Lessons:

• No one needs to prove themselves to anyone.
• Impatience is ego-driven. Destroy the ego and find patience.

What the Spice Girls Taught Me

At the Spice Girls concert in Madrid last Sunday, Raúl and I went our separate ways.

Raúl went to the floor. I went to the stands. No way was I going to spend the entire concert fighting with a bunch of screaming fans just for the space to breathe and Raúl wasn´t going to waste his concert ticket a million miles away from the stage.

With kisses and good wishes we separated. Using cell phones and much waving, we found each other and spent the time waiting for the concert to start blowing kisses and sending each other text messages.

We each experienced the concert we wanted and when we got back together at the end of the concert we had a different viewpoint to share. It was like being at two concerts instead of just one.

Someday Lessons:

• Happiness means different things to everyone; don´t expect others to follow your happiness path.
• Confidence is letting your love do his (or her) own thing while you do yours (and then sharing it later).

P.S. Raúl did give up his chosen locale to watch the encores with me in stands (he even arrived with a bottle of water for me).

And It All Comes Together

I have work!

It's not yet a job, but tomorrow I'm working for two hours.

Today I had an interview at a language school. The director asked me to come back in January to conduct a class so that he can examine my teaching skills. If he likes what he sees he will likely offer me a contract.

Of course I'm going to knock his socks off.

He also told me that if I was willing to take whatever was offered at first, he'd make sure he would offer me more later.

Of course I said yes.

On my way home from the interview I got a call from one of the school's campuses asking me if I was available to substitute for two hours tomorrow (at 7:30 and a 4:00).

Of course I'm going to do it.

My worrying and whining in November were for naught. A day after classes ended, we found an apartment. Within a week I was offered work with a good chance of a job soon.

And I'm so happy that my fears were proved wrong.

Someday Lessons:

• A little bit of fear motivates; too much paralyzes.
• When things are going well be properly grateful.

Climbing Back on the Wagon

I've fallen into my old habit of living in the future.

When Raul and I get an apartment, I'll eat better and exercise more. When I'm done classes, I'll  write more. When I get a job, I'll feel more stable.

I've also been living in fear, which is bad.

What if things with Raul don't work? What if I can't find a job? What if we can't find an apartment?

I don't, however, have any negative thoughts about my novel. I know my book will get published because it's a damn good read.

So why am I worried about everything else? I don't question Raul's love, but I worry he's going to leave. I don't question my ability to work, so why do I worry about finding a job? And Raul and I have several options for living until we get an apartment, so why does that stress me out?

Because I'm living in the future. I've created a dream of a perfect future. But life isn't perfect, so I live in fear of imperfection and make myself sick with preoccupation.

Time to change. Time to remember that life is to be lived now.

I was thinking of writing a set of resolutions, but that's still living in the future. Instead, I'll return to living in the now where everything is possible and actions happen today, not tomorrow.

Someday Lessons:

• What are you putting off doing for when life changes?
• Old habits sneak back into your life without you noticing.

Defining the Line

What's the difference between having a positive attitude and setting yourself up for disappointment?

Last week I saw a want-ad in the newspaper looking for English teachers. I called on Friday and got a response on Monday. Yesterday I went for an appointment where I discovered that it wasn't a job interview, but a sales pitch. They wanted to sell me assistance an exam that would get me into the public service (a job for life in Spain). I left feeling bummed.

After the initial phone call, I was excited. I pictured myself as an English teacher. I envisioned the interview going well. I created a future where I got the job. In other words, I used the power of positive thinking/law of attraction to create a successful outcome. It was difficult not to feel really low when I found out the truth.

It could have been so easy to cry, given the build up. I chose not to, however. I decided to look at the appointment as a practice interview for a job. But I felt like I'd been on a really old and boring roller coaster: an exciting anticipatory high followed by a very quick but ultimately uninteresting drop.

So, dear readers, where's the line between positive thinking and expecting too much?

Someday Lessons:

• You tell me. What lessons should I derive from this experience?